tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69738078894893767712024-02-21T05:55:00.537-08:00Confessions of a Non-MommyLife on the childless side
of the blog world.Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.comBlogger213125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-33711152651500019522012-07-30T15:00:00.001-07:002012-07-30T15:00:43.061-07:00Brought to you by the NHS
I am a huge Olympics fan. I have always loved the opening ceremonies and had a party in college to celebrate them. It was a lame party because I lived in a very dumpy apartment and we had to watch it on a teeny screen. Sorry, college friends.
So this year I decided to go all out and have a big fun party to celebrate the London opening ceremony. After all, I am a huge Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-1444858010842014502012-07-26T17:30:00.002-07:002012-07-26T17:32:03.985-07:00Viva La...InformacionToday a close family member had surgery at an openly Catholic hospital. In a mark of pure idiocy, I showed up to the hospital wearing this shirt:
a spoof of the "Viva la Revolution" logo with Che Guevara:
I didn't even pay attention to what shirt I was putting on. I simply wore clothes that made me look like a softball player (ifyoucatchmydrift). I didn't even think Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-45219086819932615852012-07-23T19:39:00.000-07:002012-07-23T19:39:09.525-07:00Evita Jackson
So in case you have missed it, Michael Jackson's mother is allegedly missing. Michael's children (Prince, Paris and Blanket) haven't seen their legal guardian in over a week and haven't been allowed to talk to her.
Katherine's children, who are pissed that she won't give them more money (in a nutshell) insist that she is just fine! She's resting and the doctors won't allow Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-61489063013067534602012-07-22T17:47:00.002-07:002012-07-22T17:47:48.319-07:00We let go with hopeI am really struggling with blogging since this shooting. I keep thinking of funny things to blog about, but it just seems wrong. I used to work in a theater when I was in high school, and I immediately thought about all the poor teenagers that were undoubtedly working that night.
I keep thinking about those poor people trapped in the dark unable to escape.
I keep thinking about Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-89343817865113127432012-07-16T19:14:00.001-07:002012-07-16T19:14:27.215-07:00Lotsa Time
It must be summer vacation from school. I have time to be irritated that the stupid pigs on "Angry Birds" smile at you when you lose.Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-35699453344385879132012-07-14T20:06:00.002-07:002012-07-14T20:06:30.342-07:00I am offended for them!I saw a Febreze commercial today, and it offended me on many levels! I think all their ads are dumb without being offensive. You can't tell me that if you fill a car with trash and then spray Febreze that it will no longer smell like garbage. You can't tell me that a stinky toilet will no longer smell with Febreze around.
In college, I had roommates that really felt that Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-64581815456695931962012-07-12T16:35:00.002-07:002012-07-12T16:35:45.535-07:00Look at me!
I worked out next to my doctor today. This isn't the first time I've seen her at the gym. I'm not sure she knows who I am, but she must be wondering what the heck is wrong with the sweaty blonde staring at her the whole time.
It's a lot of pressure! What is she thinking? Does she think I'm working out hard enough? Too hard? Does she want to take my pulse? Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-72804000207771255242012-07-02T20:37:00.001-07:002012-07-02T20:37:24.073-07:00......Anderson.
How could you do this to me?
The day after I wrote about you! The day after!
We would have been so wonderful together.
My phone has been ringing and dinging all day about this. I am hurt you didn't call me personally and break the news to me.
Anderson.
ANDERSON!
*SOB*
(Thank you, Emily, for breaking it to me gently.)Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-6599061034682393192012-07-01T22:28:00.001-07:002012-07-01T22:28:33.989-07:00Ouch.
I have a well documented love affair with Anderson Cooper. He's incredibly good looking, intelligent, funny, and generous. What is not to love? When I mention this, people undoubtedly look at me, cock their head and say "But isn't he gay?"
HE HASN'T COME OUT YET! DON'T SPOIL MY DREAMS!
I'm sure if he met me, I could convince him to come to my team.
At the end of theNon-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-80509367339560755512012-07-01T16:56:00.003-07:002012-07-01T22:28:48.663-07:00Was I Right, or Was I Right?Did I not call this before? How could Tom Cruise be shocked? We could see this coming from a mile away!
I am sooo happy. Sooooo happy. Not faking it at all.
To quote myself:
Why do celebrities pretend that they are all comfy cozy when they split? Someday, we'll see a statement from Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. And hopefully it goes something like this:
"Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-27891931741052958502012-06-23T10:03:00.003-07:002012-06-23T10:05:52.118-07:00Danger!My grandmother is notorious for getting words wrong, leaving out words, and horrific spelling. It adds to her charm.
So imagine my shock when the following conversation happened:
Her: Did you put sunblock on your face this morning?
Me: No, my makeup has sunblock in it. If I'm not going outside, I don't worry about it as much.
Her: Huh. I don't think Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-82274219707503603242012-06-20T09:09:00.001-07:002012-06-20T09:09:20.050-07:00GoomsMy first blog post from my phone. I feel so tech savvy!
I am in the Chicago airport waiting for a flight to go see my crazy drunk grandma. It is like visiting a foreign country, a country in which you spend a great deal of time discussing the size of my grandmother's mouth and her "Gooms," which is how she pronounces "gums." A world in which it is apparently normal for the short bossy lady to Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-58310432645471138892012-06-12T12:40:00.001-07:002012-06-12T12:42:10.042-07:00I don't miss you.I really can't stand Oprah Winfrey. She's such a freaking know it all and everyone seems to worship her! It sure has been great to not see her tooting her own horn, lecturing everyone and being generally obnoxious.
I saw this the other day and just had to share. This sums up how ridiculous I think it is that women all over this country worship Oprah.
My love Anderson Cooper will Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-20887313716624349332012-06-09T19:37:00.001-07:002012-06-09T19:54:58.180-07:00Field Trips...Are They Really Necessary?During my long blog break, many things happened. One of the more memorable things that happened was that I was fortunate enough to go on a field trip with my class. Ahem.
Before we went on the field trip, however, something was amiss in Ms. Non-Mommy's classroom. Do you remember Zach, my beloved autistic child? I really do love this kid. He's absolutely hilarious Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-48228530898549391362012-06-09T11:18:00.000-07:002012-06-09T11:18:12.236-07:00Tap tap...is this thing on?
Holy cow, did I ever forget this blog or what?! My biggest apologies to my loyal blog followers for the hiatus, but I am back and better than ever!
Stay tuned for exciting tales about school ending, going to Disney World, and sweating a lot. It's non-stop action around here!Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-54422331567783571822012-03-17T07:49:00.006-07:002012-03-17T07:49:00.982-07:00When pigs...jump over shamrocksYou know, sometimes I long for the simple good old days. Days when life moved more slowly and the little things in life were more appreciated.
And then, I see things like this:
I realize then that I was not meant for the good old days. I mean, I don't get this at all. What does this even mean? And why is that shamrock so huge? Or that pig and girl so small?
Anyway, Happy St. Patty's Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-9180326659598147452012-03-16T13:47:00.000-07:002012-03-16T13:47:53.994-07:00Man up!Many, many moons ago I used to swim on a swim team. I was never good, but I enjoyed it. In fact, I still adore to swim. I am so happy to have a nephew that loves to swim because it means that I get to go to the pool often!
Lately, I've been trying to swim more, even though being in a swimsuit is tantamount to having my teeth pulled with pliers, in the garage, with no painkillers. Also, beingNon-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-2360843976987303282012-03-13T08:46:00.000-07:002012-03-13T08:46:39.408-07:00Isn't It Ironic?(Don't you think?)
At the advice of my medical care provider, I'm going to try and go off of dairy for a week. I'm pretty sure that inside, a part of me died at the suggestion. The ironic part is that I've only been eating cheese for two years. I didn't even like cheese! Now, I enjoy it very much and will miss it. I don't care for butter, but I've been trying to Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-51914386161766759862012-03-10T05:18:00.000-08:002012-03-10T05:18:00.711-08:00For Dad
Two years ago, my boss walked into my classroom and changed my life forever when she said "You need to go call your mom. I'll watch your class." I asked if it was about my dad and she did this little head wiggle, hesitated and said "...You just need to go call your mom."
My life would never be the same. I knew it from the way her head wiggled.
The thing is, things were Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-42432679731412837232012-03-08T16:29:00.000-08:002012-03-08T16:29:03.776-08:00Suit down!I got roped into being a coach for a 5K thing. If you knew me in real life, you'd know how freaking hilarious that is. Yesterday, I had to change clothes for the Dumb Run before I left school. While my little tattlers were at recess, I changed and went to pick up the children from the playground. When I came out in non-professional clothing, one of my students came runningNon-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-18020793131571193702012-03-03T17:20:00.000-08:002012-03-03T17:20:51.137-08:00I Do Not Like Them, Sam I Am
So yesterday was Dr. Seuss' (Seuss's?) birthday. Now that I work with a younger grade and am on a massive hallway filled with first, second and third grade classes I am WELL AWARE that it is Dr. Seuss'ssssssssss (this is driving me crazy, I never get this grammatical rule!) birthday. Apparently, there are rules when you work with young kids:
1. You Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-46466140746815007072012-02-20T16:00:00.000-08:002012-02-20T16:00:27.861-08:00Like a Phoenix from the Ashes, PBS Rises Again
I'm pretty sure that Downton Abbey is the best thing to happen to PBS since, oh, I dunno...Antiques Roadshow.
Great show. Great soap opera. Haven't watched it yet? Go! It's on Netflix, and online. Gotta watch in order, though.Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-63193339398425970662012-02-19T08:40:00.000-08:002012-02-19T17:47:29.078-08:00Oh, the sick.Oh, the darn kids that gave me the sick.
I have no energy. See if these bring back any memories while I attempt to recover.
Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-90923410553671028062012-02-14T17:18:00.000-08:002012-02-14T17:18:26.387-08:00I feel better about being single nowIf you don't know about Awkward Family Photos, you are really, really missing out.
Non-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6973807889489376771.post-70371123323626590582012-02-14T11:05:00.000-08:002012-02-14T11:05:00.141-08:00From Non-MommyNon-Mommyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14569244581979943992noreply@blogger.com0