Confessions of a Non-Mommy

She didn't see that one coming!

2012-02-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

How come Dionne Warwick didn't warn Whitney not to take a bath? And how out of it do you have to be to not wake up when your face goes in the bath water? Psychic fail!

What-ever!

2012-02-04T17:01:00.000-08:00

Sadly, divorce is a big part of my life. Not personally, no, but working with families means that I regularly deal with families that are breaking up or have permanently broken up. It's never easy for anyone - adults or children. I've been witness to some pretty horrific fights between divorcing adults. In my teaching career, I have worked with maybe three families that actually still manage

RIP, Non-Mommy

2012-01-28T18:11:00.000-08:00

Through an odd set of coincidental circumstances, I ate spicy tuna roll for dinner last night, a tuna sandwich for lunch today, and a tuna steak for dinner tonight. It didn't occur to me until I was finished with dinner that I had eaten tuna for every meal for the last 24 hours. I now feel itchy, my skin is red, and I'm swollen. OK, one could argue that I'm always swollen, but whatever. I

Truths for Mature Humans

2012-01-27T19:38:00.000-08:00

From In Web We Trust

I'm Befuddled

2012-01-22T19:16:00.000-08:00

I'm easily confused. I mean, hello, I am a natural blonde. But there are a few things that I don't understand, and I'm hoping you'll explain the rationale to me. People leaving their dogs in cars. I've been noticing that there is an old woman that leaves her dog in her car during church. The other day, I noticed that there were dogs in a car at the gym, too. Can people really not leave

I never claimed to be normal

2012-01-20T19:30:00.000-08:00

You know the Geico commercial with the rowing hamsters? The logical part of my brain knows, KNOWS it's not real. And yet, when I see it I have a brief moment of discomfort thinking about poor little hamsters being trained to row and say the word "row." It seems a bit cruel to me. Poor little guys. I also have to tell you that I think it is extremely unsafe to have a container of water next

Cold lips freeze ships

2012-01-14T19:40:00.000-08:00

I recently purchased some Buxom lip gloss at a Sephora store. Apparently, it's supposed to plump your lips and make them, well, buxom. When the girl told me about it, I asked her if I could put it on my boobs and she didn't even laugh. Come on! Anyway, one of the perks of this lip gloss is that it tingles and cools your lips. It feels kind of cool and is a reminder that my lips are getting

Thanks for the support!

2012-01-07T18:43:00.000-08:00

I've been attempting to get back into shape lately. I've never been a terribly athletic person, but I had totally dropped the ball (and not a medicine ball!) in regards to exercise. I've been working out with a trainer, but I think I'm frustrating her. In all fairness, I did try to warn her. I told her that I grew up Baptist. There is not a flexible move in these Baptist born bones! No

A Stroll Down Memory Lane (or Channel)

2012-01-04T18:42:00.000-08:00

I used to love this show! Did you enjoy it?

My New Year's Resolutions

2011-12-30T20:03:00.000-08:00

It's the end of the year and most people make resolutions for the new year to come. Do they stick with them? Not typically. I've considered changes I could make to a new year, but it's always so boring. It's always the same thing. It's always something unattainable. So today, I, Non-Mommy, resolve to accomplish the following tasks in the year 2012: I resolve to wash my car more than twice

Sugar Daddy Needed

2011-12-28T17:59:00.000-08:00

I really, really don't want to work. I'm enjoying not working. Where's the rich guy who is going to provide enough for me to be able to live on a desert island (sunburn free, of course!), adopt children from all over the planet, take us on fabulous trips regularly, and provide for all my needs? I don't think I'm asking too much!

Death by Ladle

2011-12-23T18:18:00.000-08:00

This school year has been quite a challenge for me. I've moved schools and grade levels. I'm teaching a much younger age group than I am accustomed to, and that has come with its pros and cons. Pros include very affectionate children that are extremely enthusiastic and appreciate the tiniest things. Cons include tattling, tattling, lack of independence, and tattling. Being in a building

Damon Claus for a Cause

2011-12-21T17:58:00.000-08:00

Matt Damon is kind of funny! This is a good cause, and the video is enjoyable as well. Not as funny as another totally not bloggable video Matt Damon made with Sarah Silverman (family blog, folks!), but still funny.

Supermarket Sweep

2011-12-19T19:07:00.000-08:00

I miss this show. It gave me a whole new understanding of money value. I remember my sister and I shouting at people to go get the expensive hams!

A Hairy Situation

2011-12-14T18:45:00.000-08:00

I generally try to stay out of politics. The less I know the better. I know, I know. Not patriotic of me. But it keeps my blood pressure low and also keeps me from ranting about the fact that, apparently, no one reads the freaking constitution!!! Anyway, there is one thing that I am willing to discuss in relation to politics. And that, my friends, is the beast that we call Hillary Clinton's

Repost: Christmas Rules According to Non-Mommy

2011-11-29T18:49:00.000-08:00

The Christmas season is approaching and I already see people preparing for the holidays. As you consider what you listen to, what you eat, and how you decorate for Christmas, I hope you will keep in mind the following rules in regards to Christmas: 1. Harry Potter is not a Christmas movie. Containing a Christmas scene does not a Christmas movie make. 2. LED lights are of the devil. Yeah,

Vampires for Planned Vampirehood

2011-11-27T16:11:00.000-08:00

I have two friends that force me to go to movies against my will. Both of these girls are tremendous friends to me. Between the three of us, we've been through broken bones, broken engagements, weddings, sick family members, births, job changes, and deaths in the family. So because I love them, I go. It's a tradition. But since they make me go to movies about vampires and werewolves, I don't

Happy PJGiving

2011-11-24T20:08:00.000-08:00

I know that I always wish I could wear jeans to bed! I only have to mention the words "pajamas" and "shopping" and I know what is coming. My sister can't fathom how much companies charge for pajamas. She thinks it is a total rip off to buy pajamas, and don't even get her started on the cost of children's pajamas! Me? I am the total opposite. I love wearing pajamas. In life there are a

A Message From Beyond

2011-11-20T08:17:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've seen a lot of television about psychics and messages from the dead. Personally, it is not something I agree with and would not participate in it. But that hasn't stopped me from noticing a pattern, even on the commercials endorsing a show. The skeptic inside of me reacts, big time. The psychic will say something like "I'm getting an image of a coat." And then the vulnerable

I've Got a Fever

2011-11-13T10:48:00.000-08:00

I've got a fever, and the prescription is NOT more cowbell. I've got baby fever. BIG TIME. But there are a few problems. See, I don't even have a date. Let alone a significant other. And apparently, these pesky kids need a father - who knew?!? So, no children on the horizon at this time. This doesn't mean that my eggs are not getting more brittle by the second. This doesn't mean that

Say it isn't so...

2011-11-07T18:34:00.000-08:00

The Duggars have an announcement on NBC tomorrow morning. Please tell me they aren't announcing baby number 20. Please, please, please. It's like a car accident. I am horrified, and yet, can't turn away.

I Love Fall

2011-11-06T19:14:00.000-08:00

I love cooler weather. I love the vivid colors of the fall. I love frosty mornings with air that feels crisp. I love needing to wear layers, and needing a blanket to watch TV. I love hearing the wind outside, knowing it's cold, and yet feeling cozy and warm indoors. I love that now that I am working with younger children, making scarecrows, turkeys, and other fall icons is a regular part

I Can Dream!

2011-11-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

A Day in the Life With an Autistic

2011-11-01T17:19:00.000-07:00

Teacher: Barney, why are you so upset? Barney: [makes explosion noises and waves his fingers around] Teacher: Barney, look at my eyes. Look at me, Barney. Barney, look at me. Barney: [mutters and reluctantly looks at her eyes] Kaitlyn made me so mad. I'm so mad. [more explosion noises] Teacher: I can see you are upset. What is bothering you? Why are you shouting? Barney:

Not again

2011-10-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

Bless you, sweet girls. I am stunned at the news that you are gone. Seriously. No more student deaths, huh? This teacher's delicate heart can't take any more this year.

I'm a Drip

2011-10-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I decided to tackle a leaky faucet. I have never in my life done anything with plumbing. I have always had my dad to do things like that. He loved being Mr. Fixit. And let's be honest, I loved allowing him to be Mr. Fixit! So, I followed directions for fixing it, went to the hardware store to get the new part that I needed, and I fixed it. I was very proud of myself! I know that

In Which I Revolt

2011-09-27T19:16:00.000-07:00

I'm secretly a quasi-granola cruncher. I'm very, very paranoid about my food sources and their environmental impact, I recycle as much as I can, and I even use Lunchskins in place of plastic baggies (I don't know why they have cuter designs at Abe's Market than they do at their official site, but they're worth the money. I love them!). So I am usually on board with environmental issues. BUT.

Special, Indeed!

2011-09-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

Working in a public school certainly presents teachers with many challenges. You have an odd assortment of students with many needs, and it can be fun, challenging, and down right frustrating to try and meet the needs of everyone. I think that when people outside of the educational world hear about working with children with special needs, they don't understand what they can really be like. A

Pencil Me In

2011-09-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

I have a major, major problem in my life and I have no idea what to do about solving it. You're going to think I'm crazy, but...my problem is...PENCILS. Pencils are single-handedly wreaking havoc on my sanity. This has always been a small issue, but now that my job has me working with younger children, it's a problem that is taking over my life! Now, for those of you not working in a

Suffering from SPA

2011-09-12T21:44:00.000-07:00

Working in an environment that is 99.9999% female means many things. This list includes catty fights, tears on a regular basis, more cutesy crap than you can shake a stick at and...parties. Not just any party. These parties are money makers. I'm talking about Pampered Chef Scentsy Home Interiors Tupperware Mary Kay Beauty Control Silpada Lia Sophia Miche Bags Thirty One

I Went to St. Louis...

2011-09-11T11:14:00.000-07:00

...and all I got were lousy bruises! I was in St. Louis this weekend to meet my most favorite people in the entire world. It was so good to see them, and I was sad we had such a short time to be together. Leaving them was hard! But all I have to do is look at my bruised arm and knees and I will have fond memories of them. Why? Because they took me to the most amazing place ever, the City

Abiite Nemine Salutato

2011-09-05T15:52:00.000-07:00

Life is good. I'm not enjoying the new age group that I work with as much as my preteens, but they are cute and nice (just understand that my entire world at this time is kids picking their scabs and tattling on each other for things like So and So having a Starburst in their pocket). I LOVE the people I am working with, the entire feel of the building I am working in is so totally the

Single Woman Saturday

2011-08-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

Single? Sad on a Saturday night? Are you looking for a company that will help you? Ah HA! I haven't gotten a job with this company. No wonder I'm still single!

When the Cat's Away...

2011-08-19T18:19:00.000-07:00

School has started, and my internet time has come to a screeching halt. I'm working with children that are much younger than I am used to, and I'll be honest, I'm struggling a bit. I love my job, and the kids are really precious, but they are not as fun as pre-teens. And they cry a lot. And tattle. And they are way down there - so short! Today, one of the school lunch choices was pizza. A

I Can't Stand Her

2011-08-08T20:03:00.000-07:00

I admit it. I used to love the show "Jon and Kate Plus 8." I couldn't stand HER, but I loved the kids. When I was working on my master's degree, and was all stressed out, those cute kids really were a pleasant break from the never ending homework. But then it all went haywire, and I grew to despise Kate Gosselin. I mean, really, there aren't too many people like her. Willing to sell out her

Gracias, Pedro

2011-08-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

I just learned of the death of a great man, and one that was extremely influential in my life. Today, Pedro Hernandez passed away after many years with illness. Pedro and his wife Donie are instrumental in forming a children's home and ministry for orphaned/abandoned/neglected children in the Guatemala City, Guatemala area. Their ministry is called Casa Bernabe. I first met Pedro in the year

I Only Have Eyes For...Me

2011-08-04T18:10:00.000-07:00

I've been taking my nephew to the pool every day this summer. I'm trying not to cry because I have to go back to work soon and I think I love the pool even more than my three year old nephew. Each day I wear my sunglasses to swim because the sunlight burns my pale eyes like crazy. Each day at some point, my nephew jumps off of the top step, flings his arms around my neck, and wants me to take

What Would You Do?

2011-08-01T10:23:00.000-07:00

A venomous snake crawls out of the hood of your car while you are driving 65 MPH. Do you turn on the windshield wiper and fling it off? Pull over and pull it off? Or keep driving?

Single Woman Saturday

2011-07-30T17:28:00.000-07:00

If ONLY I had taken up smoking! Maybe that is why I am single... and have no throat protection?

And I Thought England Was Proper (See the End!)

2011-07-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

(Please, if you skip this whole thing, at least scroll to the end of this post and explain those signs to me!) If I haven't mentioned it enough for you, I am a total Anglophile. I love all things British, including the royal family. So when I had a chance to go to Windsor and visit Windsor Castle, I was so excited! Windsor Castle is very old, very historical, and extremely cool!! I almost

Sectumsempra!

2011-07-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Dumb Teenagers Behind Me at the Movies, Listen, I am so sorry that you have never read the Harry Potter books. I find it very difficult to believe that you haven't seen the past seven movies, and wonder what the heck you were thinking seeing the very last movie of a rather complex series? Your stupidity/poor planning aside, it was really rather inconsiderate of you to talk through the

Wonder What She Remembers About Me?

2011-07-21T20:10:00.000-07:00

Today, I returned to the town that I have lived in for the past 13 years (give or take) to visit THE lady doctor. You know. Yuck. While in this town, I needed to pay a friend of mine that is currently building me bookcases for my classroom (as a side note, do you have any idea how difficult it is to find bookcases for a classroom that are not as tall as the Eiffel Tower or hideously expensive

My Life Rocks

2011-07-19T18:18:00.000-07:00

This is how my day has been: I woke up, and was lazy. I took my nephew to the pool, as I do every day during the summer. I could rhapsodize forever about how much I love the pool. I love it, love it, love it. I later put on a very comfy dress that shows more skin than I'm comfortable with, but I'm just staying home, so who cares? The dress also shows off that I have, for the first time

Speechless

2011-07-13T17:13:00.000-07:00

In June, I was fortunate to travel to Europe to visit a friend in England. While on this trip, my friend and I went for a short trip to Barcelona, Spain (which I have blogged about). It was quite easy to put pictures from the Spain portion of my trip up on my blog, but for some reason, I have just had a hard time blogging about England. Going to Spain was ok. It was nice. It had some great

Argh

2011-07-10T14:19:00.000-07:00

I went to an outdoor wedding last night. The bride was a young girl that used to be a part of my life, and I loved her! She worked in my classroom as a teenager, and I even spent a weekend with her and her siblings while her parents were out of town. The wedding was lovely, but it was hot. All was going along smoothly. The bridesmaids came down the aisle, and then here came the bride,

Single Woman Saturday

2011-07-09T09:21:00.000-07:00

Single on a Saturday night, dreaming of how your life could be if you were married? Click on the article below to see some fantastic tips on being a good wife! Remember to arrange his pillow and take off his shoes. And above all, remember that he is the master of the house!

Geriatric Duty

2011-07-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

From http://drawfortruth.wordpress.com I'll admit it. I'm one of the people the media continue to rail on about. I have been obsessed with the Casey Anthony trial. I was gone for most of the actual trial, so I soon as I returned to the country I began watching and reading about it to get caught up. Like millions of others, I am very upset about the verdict. I understand, because I have

To: Delta Airlines, From: Sad Kindle

2011-07-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Delta Airlines, My name is Non-Mommy's Kindle and I am very sad. You see, my obviously VERY blonde owner lost me. She was so excited to take me to Europe with her! I would be oh, so handy. Of course, I was excited to go! Who doesn't want to go to Europe?! Non-Mommy happily loaded me up with books, and off we went. The flight was pleasant, but being a red-eye, Non-Mommy got tired.

I Love the 4th of July!

2011-07-04T06:07:00.000-07:00

Independence Day is here, and I am so excited! I have always loved the Fourth of July. It's a holiday in the middle of a rather boring stretch of months (holiday speaking, I mean) that brings no expectations. You don't have to do gifts. You don't have to worry about spending time with each side of the family. You get to blow things up. AND, I love feeling all proud and patriotic. I have to

Single Woman Saturday

2011-07-02T16:54:00.000-07:00

Single? Trying to choose between your own Larry and Nick? This educational video will help you out with your dilemma, and will show you that the wrong choice could end up in disfigurement and death!

Makes Sense to Me

2011-06-30T18:45:00.000-07:00

Log this one in the "People Are Insane" file! Last year, my mentee (as in, the young teacher I mentor. Guide with my infinite wisdom. Turn into a fine, upstanding teacher.) had a parent/teacher conference. The mother brought a cat to the conference. She brought a cat. To a conference. This poor young teacher is severely allergic to cats. The mother let the cat crawl all over the table

Barthhhelona part DOS

2011-06-27T07:59:00.000-07:00

I'm currently in the Twin Cities for a hellatious (sp?) family reunion with my grandmother. It's been non-stop since I've been here. And I don't just mean the schedule, I mean non-stop torture. Anyway, I have some down time. My only two options at this time are 1) to stalk a friend at work and scare him to death or 2) upload more trip photos! In the interest of retaining a good friendship, I

Have Patience

2011-06-24T15:13:00.000-07:00

Traveling isn't always easy, especially with family members. Particularly with short, cranky, old grandmothers. On this particular trip, I have this song in my head the entire time. I could only find this song with this little puppet show, sorry. Did any of you ever know Music Machine?

Crack kills, even in Spain

2011-06-22T18:26:00.000-07:00

And yes, I really took these pictures.

Barthhhhhelona

2011-06-22T18:23:00.000-07:00

I am literally packing as we speak, headed off to the great white north. I feel like I just unpacked...oh wait, I did!! Anyway, I wanted to share some pictures before I left. I'll keep it brief, because seriously, sometimes looking at other's vacation pictures is as fun as a root canal hahaha. Here, we have Barcelona! I was super excited about going there, but then it didn't live up to all

2011-06-15T18:45:00.000-07:00

School is over and I have had to say goodbye to many students that I love. This was a great school year. I had 120 students and I only felt like murdering two of them. Talk about a success rate! One of the teacher's in my school had all of the students create a book for me about their school year. I won't share all of their notes, but hopefully you'll get a kick out of some of the notes I

Single Woman Saturday

2011-06-11T11:39:00.000-07:00

Just because you're single doesn't mean you need to try ANYTHING to change that...

Can You Feel the Love? Part 1

2011-06-09T18:24:00.000-07:00

Single Woman Saturday

2011-06-04T11:37:00.000-07:00

Thank You

2011-05-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

He didn't die while in the service, but he died very proud to be a veteran. More importantly, he died being an incredible father, which is a service, to me, more important than anything. I miss him so much.

Garage Sale Season

2011-05-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

The weather is allegedly warmer, even though it's not, and garage sale season is upon us. The neighborhood is filled with homemade neon signs pointing you toward dusty crap and old women haggling. Last summer I had a major garage sale. The experience was, overall, traumatic for me. I am incapable of pricing items for a garage sale. Seriously. I'm one of those people pleasers that make

Single Woman Saturday

2011-05-28T11:37:00.000-07:00

Science helps us relieve the tensions of the modern life. It's important for the single woman to be relaxed.

Magnetic Ribbon Theory

2011-05-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

I am a very impatient driver. Unfortunately for me, I have spent the better part of the last year in the car, commuting. This allows me a great deal of time to analyze the drivers around me. After significant time in observation, I have now been able to develop what I call the Magnetic Ribbon Theory. Since this was an unfunded, unofficial research project, I will continue to call it a theory.

Single Woman Saturday

2011-05-21T20:55:00.000-07:00

True Confessions

2011-05-16T18:29:00.000-07:00

1. I walk my dog with a baggie in my hand so that it LOOKS like I will pick up her excrement, but I can't really do it. I just carry the bags for appearances. 2. Every morning for breakfast I eat an egg omelet with spinach, mushrooms and feta and a mini whole wheat bagel with hummus. It almost makes it worth getting up at the butt crack of dawn. 3. I recently purchased socks with

Single Woman Saturday

2011-05-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

Single on a Saturday night? Wondering why you're home tonight and not out on a fabulous date? Perhaps you aren't Miss Popularity? Watch and find out!

Hi.

2011-05-13T17:40:00.000-07:00

I have so much going on in my life right now. And none of it, NONE of it, can I blog about! It is KILLING me! And now I'm getting out of the habit of blogging. So, I just have to jump into the deep end and blog again. Let's talk about field trips, shall we? Ahh, field trips. Fun times involving children going nuts and running around, cranky parents gossiping, and more Lunchables than can

Letter to Important People

2011-05-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

We interrupt this blog break (my drunk grandmother is here and keeps me from blogging) to present an important letter to the important people in our country. Dear President Obama, CNN, and all the other fine folks with important news last night, Wow. What a night last night! You really caught us off guard. While I hate to celebrate the death of any human, it is a relief to know that this

HRH Non-Mommy, Princess of Non-Mommyhood

2011-04-24T15:27:00.000-07:00

This week, my little, cranky, quirky (oh boy, you have no idea!) grandmother comes for a visit. She is basically all that I have in the world of grandparents. I am actually pretty close to her, even though she's a little...unique. You can read about one interesting experience I had with her here, or here, or here. Anyway, I'm going to spend the day with her on Friday and thought we would

Single Woman Saturday

2011-04-23T14:10:00.000-07:00

Helpful dating do's and don'ts for the single woman out on a date!

Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza!

2011-04-22T17:46:00.000-07:00

I've tried to write this post a thousand times. I just can't get it right. I went to an Elton John concert. It was freaking amazing. A-MAZ-ING. It was incredibly awesome. If you will recall, I had purchased some very good seats. Prior to attending the concert, I had made plenty of jokes about being excited to see Elton, and hoping that I wouldn't make a fool of myself. But as I arrived,

Single Woman Saturday

2011-04-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

Single? Hoping to find love on a Saturday night? Try using this seductive pose to pick up the man of your dreams!

My Evil Twin

2011-04-16T06:55:00.000-07:00

I recently found out that the father of a student of mine (from last year) told someone else that he saw me. He saw me and I was "letting my hair down." I'm curious. Was I letting my hair down in Wal-Mart? Or maybe on my way to church? Or buying 400,000 cookies at the Dollar Store (for school)? Because there has been no letting down of hair, literally or figuratively. THEN, I mentioned

Surviving Standardized Testing

2011-04-10T08:53:00.000-07:00

The big, scary standardized tests are upon us. Let's just be honest. We spend the entire school year preparing for the tests. As the testing days approach, we spend a great deal of time reminding the children that they should get lots of rest, eat a good breakfast, have their materials ready, etc. But who thinks about the teachers? You know, the ones that will this week be trapped in a

Single Woman Saturday

2011-04-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

Single on a Saturday night? Needing tips on how to make it work with your latest romantic interest? Take some of these dating tips and experience success!

One Year Later

2011-04-09T18:16:00.000-07:00

In the past year, a lot has happened to me. All the small things seem insignificant compared to the loss of my beloved father. As the year mark of his passing approaches, I wanted to document a few of my thoughts and feelings. Going through the grief process is incredibly wild - exhausting, frustrating, uplifting, and blessed all rolled into one. While my intention for this blog is to remain

I Will be 95 When My Kids Graduate

2011-04-08T19:09:00.000-07:00

Apparently, there has been some sort of conspiracy against me. Or else, it's "National Bug the You-Know-What Out of Non-Mommy" week/year/decade/whatever. I'm not making this up. I'm also not really that bothered by this, but it's been a little repetitive this week/year/decade/whatever. See if you can find what might be bugging me. Student's parent: So, you should really take your

Single Woman Saturday

2011-04-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, Buddy

2011-03-31T19:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Former Baby, Three years ago tonight, you were born. It was a cold and rainy night, and, typical of your personality, even your birth was on your own terms and rather long and drawn out. Late that night, your hot uncle (Hunkle, I like to call him) and I went into the nursery with your mom and dad to meet you. You were so cute. Just a little blonde squishy ball. You also looked just

Single Woman Saturday

2011-03-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

Single? Trying to find Mr. Right? Follow these helpful dating tips and you won't be single for long!

I Am the Best Aunt, Ever

2011-03-25T10:27:00.000-07:00

I've had the week off of work. I've been spending each day with my adorable, giant nephew. I always want to call him "The Baby," but the reality is that he will be three next week. He also is wearing Depends sized diapers, he's just that big. So, I knew the big Potty Training Bootcamp was approaching, and what else would an aunt want to do on her week off besides step in her nephew's urine

The Tack That Saved Non-Mommy

2011-03-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

I have some sleep issues. Besides being a light sleeper, I am a very active sleep walker. It runs in the family. My Grandpa did it, I have a cousin who does it, and as long as I can remember, my mom has woken up, seen "a man" in her bed (my father) and thought "He can't see me in my pajamas!" and put clothes on to protect herself from "the man in her bed." She wakes up very embarrassed. It

My Celebrimania Continues

2011-03-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

I have said it before, and I will say it again. I don't know WHY I do, but I am a celebrity addict. Why, just this morning, I saw that my BFF Michael Phelps (he did send me a birthday card, thanks to my sister!) started following me on Twitter, and I almost passed out. So recently I heard that Elton John was coming to my area for a concert. I know that a lot of people think I'm a total dork

Non-McMommy

2011-03-17T17:36:00.000-07:00

This has been one rough week. Last week was the anniversary of my father's death, and I was struggling. I was very emotional. Then this week, I had to work 14 hour days on Monday and Tuesday. Ironically, this was after the time change, which made this Non-Mommy very, very exhausted and cranky. I have had to make testimony against a child, I have heard a child called a "pile of s@#t," a

The Weird Things We Do

2011-03-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

Once, there was a tornado directly headed toward the place where I lived. Being the calm, rational person that I am, I ran around the house like a chicken with its head cut off, looking for a bra. I looked all over the house for a bra, when my bras were in my underwear drawer all along. Panic causes crazy things. This summer, I was in a decently strong earthquake in San Diego. I know what to

The cat, er, camera, is out of the bag

2011-03-10T17:31:00.000-08:00

My sister, the budding photographer, had a big birthday coming up. She was positively dreading it, so I knew we had to go big, or go home! I decided to get her a fancy, cute camera bag that doesn't necessarily look like a camera bag. I agonized over this purchase. I mean, a) they aren't cheap b) I didn't know if she wants one that will hold only her camera, or one that holds her laptop

Single Woman Saturday

2011-03-05T14:01:00.000-08:00

A weenie roast! Why didn't I think of that?!

A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

2011-02-28T18:33:00.000-08:00

In other news, I continue to be a medical marvel. I'm waiting to give birth at this very moment. Give birth to a kidney stone, apparently. I also have a kidney infection. Want to know the best part? I have no clue why this happened. Is there a family history of kidney stones? NO. Do I drink anything other than water, besides the occasional glass of wine? NO. Do I eat rhubarb,

Single Woman Saturday

2011-02-26T15:41:00.000-08:00

Sitting alone on a Saturday night, wishing you had a date? Follow this handy tip for making yourself more appealing to the opposite sex!

Rebel Friday Fail

2011-02-26T15:39:00.000-08:00

I carpool with a friend of mine. She's very funny, and you just never know what to expect when you ride with her. A cup full of tiny shovels from Orange Leaf? Got it! A restroom stop at a fireworks warehouse? Done it! Listened to a lot of Glee songs? Yep. She is a lot of fun, and since we have to leave at the butt-crack of dawn for our long commute, it makes those early mornings a lot

Private Eyes...They're Watching You!

2011-02-22T17:25:00.000-08:00

Here is some background music for you to listen to as you read this blog entry: There are a few things they neglect to tell you when you go to college to be a teacher: 1. You will never urinate on a normal schedule again. You'll be expected to hold it allllll daayyyy longggg. Then, when you are not at work and dreaming of wearing a diaper, your bladder will continually scream at you "You

Technology is awesome

2011-02-19T13:58:00.000-08:00

Right now, one of my closest friends is in labor. She's texting me a whole lot, which means that things aren't really rolling too much. I wanted to take a nap, but I'm too excited! You know, as the only single woman on the planet, with eggs that are rapidly approaching geriatric status, you'd think I'd be used to this. All of my friends have babies. All of them. And yet, each time they go

Per Aspera Ad Astra

2011-02-17T17:26:00.000-08:00

The late evening stars in the sun rimmed sky beckon us outdoors. With a mischievous point in her ears and a whimsical wag to her tail, we obey their command, my canine friend and I. One week ago, it was -10 degrees. Today, the mercury rises to 72. The change creates strong winds. We walk down a familiar path, struggling to walk against the fierce current. The winds blow over us. My skin

You Don't See That Every Day!

2011-02-15T18:11:00.000-08:00

Imagine our shock when my carpooling friend and I drove up next to this today (click on image to see it larger):Once we got over the initial shock of seeing that in the car, we then stalked the poor driver until I could get a good shot. No pun intended!

The Things We Do for our Students!

2011-02-13T18:45:00.000-08:00

Last week, on a day that I didn't have to get up as early in the morning, I curled my hair using a flat iron. I had been practicing it for some time, but had yet to debut it at school. It takes me some time, and since I already have to be up by 5 a.m. if I am going to have time to eat breakfast, look pretty, and still get to work on time, curling my hair isn't really an option on a regular

Single Woman Saturday

2011-02-12T17:38:00.000-08:00

Single? Saturday night? Try this helpful tip to catch yourself a date for the next weekend: With this sexy "walking pivot" you won't be single for long!

Signs it is time to go back to work.

2011-02-10T14:03:00.000-08:00

I've been off of work a whole, whole lot lately due to winter weather. This means that I am a) watching TV a whole lot, especially Bravo and b) reading the internet. A lot. So it should come as no surprise that I dreamed the following last night: First, I was at Lisa Vanderpump's house, and you could see The Pioneer Woman's ranch across the way. A tornado came, but Kyle Richards refused to

The Wrong Kind of Education

2011-02-09T17:23:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, an enthusiastic blonde teacher from the midwest was dressed for book character day. She was dressed up as "Marly" from the very sweet book Miracles on Maple Hill. It was one of her favorite books growing up! She wore ski pants and a dumb hat with the ear flaps. The enthusiastic teacher ended up looking more like a character from "Grumpy Old Men"

Sappy McSapperson

2011-02-07T17:27:00.000-08:00

When you come back to school after an extended period of time, whether planned or unplanned, you get two kinds of reactions. Reaction number one is kind of like "HEY! How ya doing, Ms. Non-Mommy? High five!" Reaction number two isn't just spoken. In fact, many times there are no words. You see it all in their faces. They look at you with this hungry, sad look that if it could speak would

Things I'd Rather Do

2011-02-06T18:05:00.000-08:00

I don't get it. Really. When I watch football, I am not paying attention in the least. I like parties as long as there are other people for me to talk to. Pro games are kind of fun, only because there are more interesting things to watch. I hate going to high school football games. You are either frying like an egg on a hot metal bleacher, or you are frozen to the metal bleacher, hoping