In Which I Revolt

I'm secretly a quasi-granola cruncher.  I'm very, very paranoid about my food sources and their environmental impact, I recycle as much as I can, and I even use Lunchskins in place of plastic baggies (I don't know why they have cuter designs at Abe's Market than they do at their official site, but they're worth the money.  I love them!).  So I am usually on board with environmental issues.

BUT.

I am so not in favor of the lightbulb replacement initiative that is looming over us.  I do not want to use the stupid compact fluorescent light bulbs.  The bulbs are physically ugly, but that isn't what really bothers me. The light that comes from these bulbs is awful.  Awful!  I feel like I'm in a clinical lab.  Or that I'm cast with a greenish ghoulish tint.  It is very cold and uninviting.  Lighting is very important to me.  I want lighting that is warm and soft.  I don't want to feel like I'm living in a Wal-Mart Super Center all the time.  I also really dislike how they can take time to warm up.

Also, how much money do you want to bet that years down the road, the government will say "Oops, heh heh, so the lightbulb thing was a bad idea because of pollution.  We're going to go back to a more simple time and use the light bulbs that God intended us to use!"  What are we going to use for small lamps, night lights, and other odd light sources?

I've already been very bothered by the Christmas light evolution.  The LED lights are so cold, and I see a miniscule flicker in them.  Putting up those lights is just wrong, I tell you.  Wrong!

Since this is being forced upon me, I guess I will have to become a light bulb and Christmas light hoarder.  I don't plan to sell them.  I plan to be like in the book The City of Ember, sitting in my basement enjoying the last few precious light bulbs left on the planet.  In reality, it's more likely that they will find me, buried up to my ears in light bulbs in my shed.  And when they tell me "Non-Mommy, you have a hoarding problem and need help" I will cry "But the light!  The light out there is so cold!  Let me have my precious light bulbs!"

I Love the 4th of July!

Independence Day is here, and I am so excited! I have always loved the Fourth of July. It's a holiday in the middle of a rather boring stretch of months (holiday speaking, I mean) that brings no expectations. You don't have to do gifts. You don't have to worry about spending time with each side of the family. You get to blow things up. AND, I love feeling all proud and patriotic.

I have to admit a secret. I tear up every single time I sing the National Anthem. I'm a dork. Please note that I have been a history teacher.

Anyway, I have been very fortunate to spend time outside of our country, in both Central America and Europe. I have seen many things. And while I love traveling, and I love being in foreign countries, it makes me appreciate my own country that much more. Despite the negativity we hear in the media, our country has a lot of great things going for it. With that, I give you my list of the top reasons I love being an American.

Separation of Church and State. I was in some public schools in England last month, and couldn't believe that their public schools can also be religious schools. I think that just opens up too many cans of worms, so I'm glad we don't have to deal with it!

You don't have to pay to use public toilets and can flush toilet paper. If you have ever been to a foreign country that charges to use a public toilet, you know that the free toilets are not the ones you usually want to use. However, it's so annoying to have to have change just so you can pee! Come on, this is practically a cashless society. I don't keep coins around! And also, ew. Not being able to flush toilet paper. Enough said.

Our landscape and geography have so much to offer.  You want desert?  Got it.  Mountains?  Check!  Beaches?  You bet!  You can do anything you want to, without having to leave the country.  It's very cool!

The variety of accents in one country.  In a matter of several hours, you can be greeted with "Y'all" in the breakfast meats section at a grocery store in Texas, and then be at a grocery store in Minnesota where they'll offer you a "baeg" instead of a bag.  Brilliant!  How many other countries can pronounce the word "grandmother" as "gramma" or "gram-aw?"

Our Constitution.  Hi.  History geek here.  But our constitution was extremely well planned and written.  It's one of the only constitutions in the world that hasn't been completely abolished because it was written to be a living document.  It covers all the important bases.  It's pretty awesome!

We are generous.  If there is someone or something (such as a cause) in need, we dig right in and help out others!  Sure, there are always exceptions, but for the most part, we are a very giving group of people.

Sonic.  No place hops like Sonic!  You don't find drive in restaurants in which you can have hundreds of flavored soda options in other countries!  And Sonic is great, they offer weird foods for limited times.  Want some fried Mac and Cheese?  Jalapeno poppers?  Mini banana splits?  They keep their customers on their toes while still offering old faithfuls like cherry limeaids.  And we love them for it!

We are friendly and helpful.  We love to help others in need, and we're generally very outgoing and kind.  People make conversation with others in stores.  They wave at one another.  Neighbors bring one another gifts at holidays.  We can be very friendly!  Sometimes this has been a little embarrassing while I've been in another country, but that's another post.

The Bill of Rights.  Unlimited power for people and states, basic human rights, no cruel punishment, right to a jury, jury in a civil court, right to due process, no search and seizure, no quartered soldiers, militia and arms and freedom of religion and speech...what more do you need??

California.  I love this state, and clearly I'm not alone.  It's also very unique and belongs to us!  In one state you can go skiing, see forests, deserts, and beaches.  It's urban and rural.  It has fantastic weather.  Lots of celebrities.  It's awesome!

Wide parking spaces and an organized driving system.  Parking in foreign countries makes me break out in a cold sweat.  They squeeze into tiny areas that I am not good at.  Also, some places seem to think that rules for the road are more like suggestions.  Lanes?  Who needs 'em?  Brakes?  That's what horns are for, stupid!  While in Central America I saw people actually hit by cars.  God bless you, organized road systems in America.

Showering regularly.  I don't care how neurotic I sound, or how blatantly American I am in this regard.  I believe in cleaning your body every day.  I don't know how they can go around wallowing in their own filth.  And deodorant is an American trend I wish would catch on more.

Bravo TV.  It's trashy.  It's gossipy.  But I love me some good old fashioned Real Housewives or Flipping Out.

Our sense of patriotism.  We are proud of our country and aren't afraid to show it.  And that, my friends, is very cool.

Letter to Important People

We interrupt this blog break (my drunk grandmother is here and keeps me from blogging) to present an important letter to the important people in our country.


Dear President Obama, CNN, and all the other fine folks with important news last night,

Wow.  What a night last night!  You really caught us off guard.  While I hate to celebrate the death of any human, it is a relief to know that this evil man can no longer hurt anyone else.  I appreciate that you kept your word about finding him, and that you also managed to keep such a huge secret.

May I politely make a small point?  When you suddenly announce that you are going to be making a speech at 10:30 at night and give absolutely no indication as to why you plan to address the nation, people will naturally wonder what is going on.  It is rather odd that you would address us unexpectedly, at such a late hour.  Then, when you (AND YOU, CNN!) announce that it relates to a security issue, people naturally begin to think of the reasons you could be addressing us late on a Sunday night.

CNN and all of your minions, when you report that they continue to delay the speech, it makes people think that the president is receiving more and more information, people begin to worry.  It begins to sound more and more serious.  Then, when you say that the president is busy calling all the people involved, people worry even more.  What does this mean?  Is the president calling Congress into emergency session?  Is he calling brilliant scientists?  Is he calling the local duct tape factory?

Before we knew what was happening, I admit that I got scared.  I began to think of all the scenarios that could be happening.

It could be war, but that was knocked out of the running by the security issue.

It could be a terrorist attack.

It could be that the scientists were wrong, and radiation has arrived here and is killing us all and we are to duct tape ourselves in our homes.  (But I'm out of duct tape!)

It could be that an asteroid is about to hit.

It could be that aliens are coming for us at this very moment.

It could be that you, Mr. President, are announcing your sudden resignation, a la President Nixon.

It could be that you are alarmed at the rate in which people sneak food into movie theaters, and you felt it important enough to address us late at night.

So you see, Mr. President and news stations everywhere, those few moments induced quite a bit of panic.  Next time do you think you could personally call me first and let me know what is up?  I promise to keep it quiet.  It's just good for my state of mind.

Despite this little snafu, I do want to commend you on a job extremely well done, and also tell Donald Trump to shove it.  You really did have more important things to do than provide him with your birth certificate.  And also, you have nicer hair.

Fondly,
Non-Mommy