I Went to St. Louis...

...and all I got were lousy bruises!

I was in St. Louis this weekend to meet my most favorite people in the entire world.  It was so good to see them, and I was sad we had such a short time to be together.  Leaving them was hard!  But all I have to do is look at my bruised arm and knees and I will have fond memories of them.  Why?

Because they took me to the most amazing place ever, the City Museum in St. Louis.  Now, you might be thinking "A museum?  Yawn."  Oh no, my friends.  This is no museum.  It's a giant, giant playground for adults.  An artist purchased an old shoe factory and using reclaimed industrial parts like airplanes, fire engines, rebar, engine parts, etc. created a monstrous structure to play in.  Sure, it has lots for children, and they love it, but it's totally designed for adults, too.  The former shoe factory is filled with tiny tunnels and holes that you crawl through.  You have no idea where they are leading you, and you have no idea if you'll ever find your way back.

They turned the former shoe chutes into slides that will lead you all over the 10+ story building. 

Everything in the area, including the rope swings, tree houses and skate park, is made of industrial leftovers.  The bathroom walls are made out of restaurant baking pans.

 There are caves throughout the building.  They smell damp, and are dark and scary.  Perfect for spelunkers. 

I found myself crawling on my hands and knees, scooting on my butt, climbing, and seriously wondering if I was ever going to make it out.  At one point, my friend was trying to wedge himself through a tiny hole and yelled back that my other friend and I were not going to fit - it wasn't boob friendly.  And then he had to seriously work to get back out of the hole.

It also has a ten story tall slide.  You can get there in more than one way, but I preferred the stairs.

It was when I was walking through this wet grate, very high in the air, in the dark that I remembered that I currently have NO health insurance and...um...was this a very good idea?  Also, Non-Mommy, do NOT look down.

It is open until 1 a.m.  After 10 p.m. they turn off the lights and you can explore the entire factory using flashlights and glow sticks.  They also have a bar for those interested. 

Despite my bruised knees, very sore muscles, and sweat soaked clothing, I had a great time.  This is really an incredible place to visit.  You could be there all day long and never see anything.  It's truly huge.  It is well, well worth a visit - even if you have to drive a day to do it.  It is extremely child friendly, extremely adult friendly, and a great work out.  Don't believe me?  Go read reviews online.

If you go, I strongly recommend that you wear pants that you don't mind getting dirty in.  You will literally be pulling yourself up, climbing, shimmying, scooting, etc.  You need good shoes with good traction.  Be prepared to sweat a lot.  Knee pads are a great idea.  But I promise, you will love this place if you are active!

City Museum of St. Louis

And I Thought England Was Proper (See the End!)

(Please, if you skip this whole thing, at least scroll to the end of this post and explain those signs to me!)

If I haven't mentioned it enough for you, I am a total Anglophile. I love all things British, including the royal family. So when I had a chance to go to Windsor and visit Windsor Castle, I was so excited! Windsor Castle is very old, very historical, and extremely cool!!

I almost got the boot, though, because my friend accidentally packed a metal fork in our lunch, and apparently metal forks are not allowed. I didn't know that there was a fork until I went through the x-ray machine. Watch out, Windsor Castle, I'm going to take you down. With a fork. It will only take me 1,000 years to destroy the place...with a fork.



I was about to wet myself with excitement as I took a picture of this sign.



And then, I am fairly certain that at this place and time, I was covered in goosebumps and gasping "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I cannot be here!"



I accept all donations to the "Non-Mommy Needs Therapy" fund.



I couldn't take pictures on the inside, which is really a shame because you cannot believe how amazing it is.  I saw the Queen Mother's grave, but when I stepped on the grave of King Henry the Eighth, I almost lost it.  I grabbed my friend's arm and shrieked "There are some REALLY big names in here!"  Which she promptly laughed at.



I got this guy to crack a smile, just a teeny tiny one, but I saw it.  BUSTED!




















They turned the moat into a gorgeous garden. It was awesome.



We took a river cruise down the River Thames.



You can cross a bridge leaving Windsor, a bustling city, to Eton, which was totally dead.  It's really odd. The bridge isn't that big!  Anyway, I wanted to see Eton College because my former boyfriend Prince William, among others, went there.  But there was not much to see.  And Eton was totally devoid of any life or activity.  Except the four people you see here.



Now, this is what makes me scratch my head in bewilderment.  I never wanted to speak while in England.  I sound so dumb and American and they sound so dignified.  So imagine my shock to stumble upon this...



And in case you didn't see it the first time, here it is again.



Thank GOODNESS it is controlled, because there is nothing worse than some uncontrolled porn.

A gold star to anyone that can explain what a porny school is!

Speechless

In June, I was fortunate to travel to Europe to visit a friend in England.  While on this trip, my friend and I went for a short trip to Barcelona, Spain (which I have blogged about).  It was quite easy to put pictures from the Spain portion of my trip up on my blog, but for some reason, I have just had a hard time blogging about England.

Going to Spain was ok.  It was nice.  It had some great points.  But I secretly found myself longing to go back to England, and was so happy when we finally touched down in the UK.  There is something about me that you need to know.  I don't just like England, I LOVE England.  Love in a crazily deep way.  I don't know what it is about England, but I just feel like I fit in there somehow.  It has its perks and its downsides, but I find it absolutely charming, delightful, and incredible.  This was my third time in England, and I came home even more in love than I could have ever imagined.

I HAD A FANTASTIC TIME.

So much, so, that I have been melancholy ever since.  I haven't had the heart to talk about it and I think about England all of the time.  In my head, I'm constantly trying to figure out how I could afford to go back, and make it work with my friends' schedules.  I mean, how can you not love a country that has adorable kid things like this in their schools?



A country in which you can ride a large ferris wheel called the London Eye and see, from the sky, one of the most famous palaces in the world?



A place in which you can easily walk the route Prince William took to his wedding, and sit in St. James Park and eat a hot dog?



A place in which this teeny, tiny back garden is fairly typical and no one blink an eye?



A place full of history and a deep sense of pride in a monarchy that has lasted hundreds and hundreds of years?



I will try to share some of my pictures with you, but I could never do it justice.  I cannot even begin to choose what pictures to show you, there are so many things that we did and saw.  The trip was not just incredible because of the many sights that we saw, but it was incredible because of the people as well.  Everywhere we went, I found the people to be extremely friendly and outgoing.  I never wanted to speak because they sound so dignified and I sound so...American.  But they managed to overlook that and let me be a part of their fantastic country for a few weeks.

Stay tuned for exciting highlights from my UK journey!

To: Delta Airlines, From: Sad Kindle

Dear Delta Airlines,

My name is Non-Mommy's Kindle and I am very sad.  You see, my obviously VERY blonde owner lost me.  She was so excited to take me to Europe with her!  I would be oh, so handy.  Of course, I was excited to go!  Who doesn't want to go to Europe?!  Non-Mommy happily loaded me up with books, and off we went.  The flight was pleasant, but being a red-eye, Non-Mommy got tired.  She then foolishly put me, along with her glasses case, into the POCKET OF DEATH.  I tried to warn her, oh how I tried.  But I'm not alive, so she didn't get my message.

After a most delightful flight experience, we landed.  Non-Mommy is a huge Anglophile, so she was very happy to have landed.  After all, she did see British license plates out the window, and that set her off in a tizzy.  Through no fault of yours, she was very tired.  She was so concerned about getting her things out of the overhead compartment and getting off of that plane that she left me behind!  On an international flight!  Being very young, I mean, new, she didn't even arrange for me to fly as an unaccompanied minor!  Hrmph!

I don't really want to tell you what happened to me next.  It isn't for the faint at heart.  I just know, in my heart of hearts, that Non-Mommy very quickly made the discovery of my abandonment.  She filled out the online form, and even called the airline.  It was only a matter of hours since she had left me.  And yet, I am still not in her loving, yet irresponsible hands.

The thing is, Delta, no one has attempted to register me in a different name.  No one tried to purchase new books using the credit card that is on file for me.  So, this makes my very regretful Non-Mommy think that I am possibly in a box somewhere.  I may not be alive, but using my psychic powers, I am guessing that Non-Mommy wonders if I have just been forgotten somewhere, not stolen.

What I do know is that Non-Mommy is ever so sorry that she left me.  She knows that this was a really big mistake on her part, and that you, Delta, have no obligation to try and reunite us.  I know from my time on your lovely flights that your flight attendants were very pleasant and kind.  I heard that your food was even decently good.  In fact, I think, if my mind reading abilities are correct, that Non-Mommy was very pleased with her international flight experience with you.

Please.  Help reunite me with Non-Mommy.  I would be ever so grateful, as I know she would be as well.

And also, maybe sew those horrible pockets shut!

Lots of love,
White Kindle in a purple floral Javon Edge case

PS - Her pink Candies glasses case would like to be reunited, too!

I Love the 4th of July!

Independence Day is here, and I am so excited! I have always loved the Fourth of July. It's a holiday in the middle of a rather boring stretch of months (holiday speaking, I mean) that brings no expectations. You don't have to do gifts. You don't have to worry about spending time with each side of the family. You get to blow things up. AND, I love feeling all proud and patriotic.

I have to admit a secret. I tear up every single time I sing the National Anthem. I'm a dork. Please note that I have been a history teacher.

Anyway, I have been very fortunate to spend time outside of our country, in both Central America and Europe. I have seen many things. And while I love traveling, and I love being in foreign countries, it makes me appreciate my own country that much more. Despite the negativity we hear in the media, our country has a lot of great things going for it. With that, I give you my list of the top reasons I love being an American.

Separation of Church and State. I was in some public schools in England last month, and couldn't believe that their public schools can also be religious schools. I think that just opens up too many cans of worms, so I'm glad we don't have to deal with it!

You don't have to pay to use public toilets and can flush toilet paper. If you have ever been to a foreign country that charges to use a public toilet, you know that the free toilets are not the ones you usually want to use. However, it's so annoying to have to have change just so you can pee! Come on, this is practically a cashless society. I don't keep coins around! And also, ew. Not being able to flush toilet paper. Enough said.

Our landscape and geography have so much to offer.  You want desert?  Got it.  Mountains?  Check!  Beaches?  You bet!  You can do anything you want to, without having to leave the country.  It's very cool!

The variety of accents in one country.  In a matter of several hours, you can be greeted with "Y'all" in the breakfast meats section at a grocery store in Texas, and then be at a grocery store in Minnesota where they'll offer you a "baeg" instead of a bag.  Brilliant!  How many other countries can pronounce the word "grandmother" as "gramma" or "gram-aw?"

Our Constitution.  Hi.  History geek here.  But our constitution was extremely well planned and written.  It's one of the only constitutions in the world that hasn't been completely abolished because it was written to be a living document.  It covers all the important bases.  It's pretty awesome!

We are generous.  If there is someone or something (such as a cause) in need, we dig right in and help out others!  Sure, there are always exceptions, but for the most part, we are a very giving group of people.

Sonic.  No place hops like Sonic!  You don't find drive in restaurants in which you can have hundreds of flavored soda options in other countries!  And Sonic is great, they offer weird foods for limited times.  Want some fried Mac and Cheese?  Jalapeno poppers?  Mini banana splits?  They keep their customers on their toes while still offering old faithfuls like cherry limeaids.  And we love them for it!

We are friendly and helpful.  We love to help others in need, and we're generally very outgoing and kind.  People make conversation with others in stores.  They wave at one another.  Neighbors bring one another gifts at holidays.  We can be very friendly!  Sometimes this has been a little embarrassing while I've been in another country, but that's another post.

The Bill of Rights.  Unlimited power for people and states, basic human rights, no cruel punishment, right to a jury, jury in a civil court, right to due process, no search and seizure, no quartered soldiers, militia and arms and freedom of religion and speech...what more do you need??

California.  I love this state, and clearly I'm not alone.  It's also very unique and belongs to us!  In one state you can go skiing, see forests, deserts, and beaches.  It's urban and rural.  It has fantastic weather.  Lots of celebrities.  It's awesome!

Wide parking spaces and an organized driving system.  Parking in foreign countries makes me break out in a cold sweat.  They squeeze into tiny areas that I am not good at.  Also, some places seem to think that rules for the road are more like suggestions.  Lanes?  Who needs 'em?  Brakes?  That's what horns are for, stupid!  While in Central America I saw people actually hit by cars.  God bless you, organized road systems in America.

Showering regularly.  I don't care how neurotic I sound, or how blatantly American I am in this regard.  I believe in cleaning your body every day.  I don't know how they can go around wallowing in their own filth.  And deodorant is an American trend I wish would catch on more.

Bravo TV.  It's trashy.  It's gossipy.  But I love me some good old fashioned Real Housewives or Flipping Out.

Our sense of patriotism.  We are proud of our country and aren't afraid to show it.  And that, my friends, is very cool.

Barthhhelona part DOS

I'm currently in the Twin Cities for a hellatious (sp?) family reunion with my grandmother. It's been non-stop since I've been here. And I don't just mean the schedule, I mean non-stop torture.

Anyway, I have some down time. My only two options at this time are 1) to stalk a friend at work and scare him to death or 2) upload more trip photos! In the interest of retaining a good friendship, I will share photos with you instead!

This is part two of my trip to Barcelona. On the last day, we decided to tackle this giant, gorgeous park called Montjuic. It is quite large and high, so you can see all of Barcelona below. We started there with sunshine and gorgeous views. However, as you will see, the day wasn't all sunshine and roses...

The castell overlooking Barcelona and the Mediterranean Sea



The view was pretty fantastic.



It was so kind of them to put a sculpture of me in front of the sea, but really, couldn't I have been clothed?



We then began the long descent down the hill. My friend, who might be visually and directionally challenged (love her anyway!), insisted on going a certain way to get to the Museum of National Art of Catalunya. It became quite rural (read - devoid of human life, just two dummies wandering through the forest all alone) and we had no choice but to talk and walk and walk.



FIFTEEN MILES later (my friend had a pedometer), when we got to the Olympic Stadium and the flame, I said "ENOUGH!! WE ARE TAKING A TAXI!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and I eventually found one and hailed it. We took it to the museum.



Looking down from the museum at the Magic Fountains, government offices, and the city.



Eventually, we limped back to the hotel, but not before adding a few more miles onto our already quite large walk. My friend wanted to go to the beach, I did not. I stayed in the hotel lobby and drank some drink that I have no idea what it was. It was strong, and the lobby was air conditioned. I was DYING to get back to good old England!

Have Patience

Traveling isn't always easy, especially with family members. Particularly with short, cranky, old grandmothers. On this particular trip, I have this song in my head the entire time.

I could only find this song with this little puppet show, sorry.

Did any of you ever know Music Machine?

Crack kills, even in Spain

And yes, I really took these pictures.

Barthhhhhelona

I am literally packing as we speak, headed off to the great white north. I feel like I just unpacked...oh wait, I did!!  Anyway, I wanted to share some pictures before I left.  I'll keep it brief, because seriously, sometimes looking at other's vacation pictures is as fun as a root canal hahaha.

Here, we have Barcelona!  I was super excited about going there, but then it didn't live up to all the hype I had heard.  It was nice, and in all fairness to Barcelona, we had terrible weather for pretty much the entire time we were there, but overall I found their weirdo time schedule odd, everywhere we went the grates smelled like sewage, and I got kind of tired of ham.  Also, I found it very odd that many of the people I encountered did not speak Spanish!

BUT, I found Gaudi's La Sagrada Familia to be incredible.  I thought it would be tacky and irreverent, but in reality it was incredibly gorgeous and spiritual.  Truly.  Pictures do not do it justice, at all.  In fact, I think that it was the highlight of my entire trip.  I found myself overcome with emotion and in tears over the beauty and meaning in the cathedral.

Enjoy!

Torre Agbar, very close to our hotel


Old Barcelona.  You can see the Mediterranean Sea at the end of each street!





Gaudi's "La Sagrada Familia"