Single Woman Saturday

Single on a Saturday night, dreaming of how your life could be if you were married? Click on the article below to see some fantastic tips on being a good wife!

Remember to arrange his pillow and take off his shoes. And above all, remember that he is the master of the house!

Geriatric Duty

From http://drawfortruth.wordpress.com

I'll admit it.  I'm one of the people the media continue to rail on about.  I have been obsessed with the Casey Anthony trial.  I was gone for most of the actual trial, so I soon as I returned to the country I began watching and reading about it to get caught up.  Like millions of others, I am very upset about the verdict.  I understand, because I have been on a jury, that they may not have been able to convict her based on wording technicalities.  But it is crazy to think that a woman who so clearly murdered her child, and then so flagrantly enjoyed her newfound freedom, is going to get off so easily.  What I really can't wait to hear is how her integration back into the real world goes.  I also believe with all of my heart that her mother will welcome her home with open arms and continue to give her funds and a basic free pass to partydom.  Mind boggling.

All of this drama has gotten me thinking about my own experiences with geriatric duty...I mean jury duty.  Ah, jury duty.  The fate of millions of poor suckers.  It is actually a very interesting process, but it's not so convenient.  It also appears to be heavily rigged, but that's for another time.  And if you don't believe me, well, then you've never been on a jury haha.

Below find part one of the jury selecting process, taken from my personal journal:

Hello, Non-Mommy?


This is Justin Timberlake. I have a message for you. Cry me a river.


Well, I can't say I'm here to bear great news. I guess it could be worse. I was selected for jury duty. I am in a trial all week. But hey, the other girl on the jury who just COULDN'T have it this week has plane tickets she already purchased. So I guess I can't complain too much. It isn't fair, it isn't logical, but it is what it is. I haven't even had the heart to call my boss yet. She'll be upset.


I'll give you a quick rundown of the day-


8:00-9:30 - sit in a jury room with a bunch of really gripey old people. Seems our panel group wasn't large enough, so they brought in extra people. We were now 50 people. Suddenly, my chances diminish! By the way, as happened last time, not one court official ever came in until 9:30.


9:30 - we are all ushered into a gigantic court room. Much bigger than last time. With PLENTY of seating for us all. They put you into a weird order that isn't alphabetical and doesn't make sense.


9:31 - I am ushered into...the jury box?!?!? This is where I start to have a panic attack. Why are 12 of us sitting here, and the other 38 getting to sit on the benches?? Turns out, I think we were pre-selected, then weeded out as needed. I was extremely nervous and my hands shook.


9:35-12:30 - we are asked a billion questions. Individually, and as a group. I give my Oscar Losing Award speech about why I can't come. I also have to give testimony about when I was the victim of forgery. We are all getting extremely tired and cranky. Not stopping for lunch?


12:30-1:20 - we all nervously wait, tell the same stories over and over, and decide who "has it" and who doesn't.


1:20- go back in and they announce the winners. Lucky me. I said a bad word.


So after that, the rest were dismissed, and we went to lunch. The trial began today and will last all week.

To: Delta Airlines, From: Sad Kindle

Dear Delta Airlines,

My name is Non-Mommy's Kindle and I am very sad.  You see, my obviously VERY blonde owner lost me.  She was so excited to take me to Europe with her!  I would be oh, so handy.  Of course, I was excited to go!  Who doesn't want to go to Europe?!  Non-Mommy happily loaded me up with books, and off we went.  The flight was pleasant, but being a red-eye, Non-Mommy got tired.  She then foolishly put me, along with her glasses case, into the POCKET OF DEATH.  I tried to warn her, oh how I tried.  But I'm not alive, so she didn't get my message.

After a most delightful flight experience, we landed.  Non-Mommy is a huge Anglophile, so she was very happy to have landed.  After all, she did see British license plates out the window, and that set her off in a tizzy.  Through no fault of yours, she was very tired.  She was so concerned about getting her things out of the overhead compartment and getting off of that plane that she left me behind!  On an international flight!  Being very young, I mean, new, she didn't even arrange for me to fly as an unaccompanied minor!  Hrmph!

I don't really want to tell you what happened to me next.  It isn't for the faint at heart.  I just know, in my heart of hearts, that Non-Mommy very quickly made the discovery of my abandonment.  She filled out the online form, and even called the airline.  It was only a matter of hours since she had left me.  And yet, I am still not in her loving, yet irresponsible hands.

The thing is, Delta, no one has attempted to register me in a different name.  No one tried to purchase new books using the credit card that is on file for me.  So, this makes my very regretful Non-Mommy think that I am possibly in a box somewhere.  I may not be alive, but using my psychic powers, I am guessing that Non-Mommy wonders if I have just been forgotten somewhere, not stolen.

What I do know is that Non-Mommy is ever so sorry that she left me.  She knows that this was a really big mistake on her part, and that you, Delta, have no obligation to try and reunite us.  I know from my time on your lovely flights that your flight attendants were very pleasant and kind.  I heard that your food was even decently good.  In fact, I think, if my mind reading abilities are correct, that Non-Mommy was very pleased with her international flight experience with you.

Please.  Help reunite me with Non-Mommy.  I would be ever so grateful, as I know she would be as well.

And also, maybe sew those horrible pockets shut!

Lots of love,
White Kindle in a purple floral Javon Edge case

PS - Her pink Candies glasses case would like to be reunited, too!

I Love the 4th of July!

Independence Day is here, and I am so excited! I have always loved the Fourth of July. It's a holiday in the middle of a rather boring stretch of months (holiday speaking, I mean) that brings no expectations. You don't have to do gifts. You don't have to worry about spending time with each side of the family. You get to blow things up. AND, I love feeling all proud and patriotic.

I have to admit a secret. I tear up every single time I sing the National Anthem. I'm a dork. Please note that I have been a history teacher.

Anyway, I have been very fortunate to spend time outside of our country, in both Central America and Europe. I have seen many things. And while I love traveling, and I love being in foreign countries, it makes me appreciate my own country that much more. Despite the negativity we hear in the media, our country has a lot of great things going for it. With that, I give you my list of the top reasons I love being an American.

Separation of Church and State. I was in some public schools in England last month, and couldn't believe that their public schools can also be religious schools. I think that just opens up too many cans of worms, so I'm glad we don't have to deal with it!

You don't have to pay to use public toilets and can flush toilet paper. If you have ever been to a foreign country that charges to use a public toilet, you know that the free toilets are not the ones you usually want to use. However, it's so annoying to have to have change just so you can pee! Come on, this is practically a cashless society. I don't keep coins around! And also, ew. Not being able to flush toilet paper. Enough said.

Our landscape and geography have so much to offer.  You want desert?  Got it.  Mountains?  Check!  Beaches?  You bet!  You can do anything you want to, without having to leave the country.  It's very cool!

The variety of accents in one country.  In a matter of several hours, you can be greeted with "Y'all" in the breakfast meats section at a grocery store in Texas, and then be at a grocery store in Minnesota where they'll offer you a "baeg" instead of a bag.  Brilliant!  How many other countries can pronounce the word "grandmother" as "gramma" or "gram-aw?"

Our Constitution.  Hi.  History geek here.  But our constitution was extremely well planned and written.  It's one of the only constitutions in the world that hasn't been completely abolished because it was written to be a living document.  It covers all the important bases.  It's pretty awesome!

We are generous.  If there is someone or something (such as a cause) in need, we dig right in and help out others!  Sure, there are always exceptions, but for the most part, we are a very giving group of people.

Sonic.  No place hops like Sonic!  You don't find drive in restaurants in which you can have hundreds of flavored soda options in other countries!  And Sonic is great, they offer weird foods for limited times.  Want some fried Mac and Cheese?  Jalapeno poppers?  Mini banana splits?  They keep their customers on their toes while still offering old faithfuls like cherry limeaids.  And we love them for it!

We are friendly and helpful.  We love to help others in need, and we're generally very outgoing and kind.  People make conversation with others in stores.  They wave at one another.  Neighbors bring one another gifts at holidays.  We can be very friendly!  Sometimes this has been a little embarrassing while I've been in another country, but that's another post.

The Bill of Rights.  Unlimited power for people and states, basic human rights, no cruel punishment, right to a jury, jury in a civil court, right to due process, no search and seizure, no quartered soldiers, militia and arms and freedom of religion and speech...what more do you need??

California.  I love this state, and clearly I'm not alone.  It's also very unique and belongs to us!  In one state you can go skiing, see forests, deserts, and beaches.  It's urban and rural.  It has fantastic weather.  Lots of celebrities.  It's awesome!

Wide parking spaces and an organized driving system.  Parking in foreign countries makes me break out in a cold sweat.  They squeeze into tiny areas that I am not good at.  Also, some places seem to think that rules for the road are more like suggestions.  Lanes?  Who needs 'em?  Brakes?  That's what horns are for, stupid!  While in Central America I saw people actually hit by cars.  God bless you, organized road systems in America.

Showering regularly.  I don't care how neurotic I sound, or how blatantly American I am in this regard.  I believe in cleaning your body every day.  I don't know how they can go around wallowing in their own filth.  And deodorant is an American trend I wish would catch on more.

Bravo TV.  It's trashy.  It's gossipy.  But I love me some good old fashioned Real Housewives or Flipping Out.

Our sense of patriotism.  We are proud of our country and aren't afraid to show it.  And that, my friends, is very cool.

Single Woman Saturday

Single? Trying to choose between your own Larry and Nick? This educational video will help you out with your dilemma, and will show you that the wrong choice could end up in disfigurement and death!