The Birds and the Bees, Public School Style

This month, the note for "THE CLASS" comes.  You know, "THE CLASS."  I absolutely love this time of year because I secretly get great pleasure out of watching the kids squirm.  I explain that they need to return the permission slip stating that they are, or are not participating.   If they don't return it, I am required to call each parent about it.  This is how I get those notes back ASAP - I say "Do you really want me to call your parents to talk about how your body is going to change, and relationships between a couple?   If I call them, I will have to talk to them about it!"  You know, I get ALL the notes back the next day!

Anyway, I was giving this little speech a few years ago when I was approached by an adorable skinny girl.  A girl who usually whispers, and is very quiet.  She comes up to me afterwards and tells me that she got a book for Christmas all about her period and how her body is going to change and that she's becoming a woman.  I think back to when I was in fifth grade, and I know I wouldn't have even admitted that I'd ever even read the word "period" to my teacher!  Three girls came to me during Study Hall to ask if I would teach "THE CLASS", because they don't want the nurse to.   I guess I should take that as a compliment.

One of the boys yelled out "I don't want you to talk about that with my parents.  Period!"   I said "Yes, you'll be talking about that, too." Only about half the class got the joke.

This got me thinking about when I was a kid.  We had to watch a video for girls only.  The setting was a sleepover.  Some young gal got her period at the party.  The mother comes in, and starts talking about it.  Then, to explain it to the girls at the sleepover, she starts making pancakes.  What did she fashion the pancakes into?  Why, a uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes, of course!  All the girls were so interested, and not at all weirded out.  When she was done making his pancake diagrams of the female anatomy, she said something like "Anyone hungry for breakfast??"  Then the FATHER came in and ate the pancake uterus!

At the end of the school day, all the girls on my bus stuck the pads to the bus windows.

I don't think they did a very good job. In my class, which wasn't that huge, around 200 people, there were already four babies born by eighth grade. MTV came to my high school to do a special about the high sexual intercourse activity at my school. By the time I graduated from high school, the drop out rate in our grade level was huge, and there were 17 babies born.

OH!  Wait!  If I'm taking a stroll down memory lane, how could I forget this tidbit?   I was at a church lock in event called "Disciple Now" in 8th grade.  I was sleeping on the couch, when I heard a disturbance behind the couch.  I looked over to see two of my classmates having sex.  When they finished, the boy went in the kitchen, crapped in a ziplock bag, and held it to my face.   He threatened to put it in my face if I told anyone.

Clearly, public health education is awesome and oh so effective!

(I tried, valiantly, to find a video of the pancake period lesson, but no one seems to be able to find it.  I did, however, find HILARIOUS old videos about getting your period.  Did you know that you should not go square dancing during your period?  Or go swimming because you might catch a cold?  Also, be careful about personal hygiene and daintiness!  I hope you find these as hilarious as I do.  Who knew looking for the pancake video would allow me to stumble across these gems??)