Spit Chronicles

Today, something horrible and filthy happened to me.

You see, in the school where I work, students have to take what we call "Swish."  Swish is just a flouride rinse.  The water here is flouridated, so I'm not sure why, but they still take it.  It's really gross.  I pass out 30 individual cups of the crap, they swish for one minute (the quietest one minute of my whole week), and I act all goofy.  I tell them dumb things like "Just imagine your teeth thanking you.  The flouride is filling in the holes and cracks in your teeth to keep you from getting cavities."  They all spit in sync, and it's DISGUSTING.  30 kids spitting.  *shudder* 

Anyway, we have to dispose of it properly because you can't just put it in the trash, I guess.  I make a kid go around and collect the stuff, because it's so sick.  I can't handle it.  Before they collect the spit cups, I lecture them about how if they get spit on the person, or their desk, or anything, they will be in really big trouble.  REALLY BIG TROUBLE.

I was handed the bag o' spit.

I went to twist tie the bag o' spit, when I noticed something. 

A damp feeling.

I looked down...

THE FREAKING SPIT BAG HAD A HOLE IN IT, and DRIPPED ALL OVER MY JEANS.  

This prompted a gagging, gurgling scream from me.  One of my little smart asses piped up and said "Ms. Non-Mommy, you just need to imagine your pants thanking you.  The flouride is filling in the holes and cracks in your jeans."