Saturday, January 28, 2012

RIP, Non-Mommy


Through an odd set of coincidental circumstances, I ate spicy tuna roll for dinner last night, a tuna sandwich for lunch today, and a tuna steak for dinner tonight.  It didn't occur to me until I was finished with dinner that I had eaten tuna for every meal for the last 24 hours.

I now feel itchy, my skin is red, and I'm swollen.  OK, one could argue that I'm always swollen, but whatever.  I couldn't take a nap today (insomnia) and I've felt excessively shy today.  Clearly I am suffering from mercury poisoning.  It's ironic that I worry constantly about being healthy and living longer than my father, only to OD on tuna of all things.  Tuna.

I leave this world with many regrets.  I never did learn how to tie a true knot; I can only tie your basic shoe.  I'm afraid of curling irons and have to close my eyes while getting my hair done.  I also have never been to Walt Disney World.

If I make it through this, I vow to change things.  Learn to tie.  Learn to be confident.  Go to Disney World.

Feeling Fishy,
Non-Mommy

2 comments:

  1. At least you will definitely be crossing one of those things off the list! You aren't really red and itchy, are you?

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  2. Why is it that when I was a kid we played with mercury in science class and now if I eat more than 6 oz of tuna a week I'm going to die a painfull death? The science can't have changed that much ... oh yeah ... there were 40 years between those events. Oh well - pass the dolphin and whale steaks ...

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