Sunday, January 31, 2010

I have seen the light.

Do you think some day when I go to adopt a child and they ask me "So, Non-Mommy , why do you want to adopt a child?" they will reject me when I tell them that I made this decision based on my sleeping preferences?  Will the adoption form have enough room for me to explain that when I was a young woman I had my appendix out and could no longer sleep on my stomach?  How I spent days on end rolling around, wishing beyond anything else that I could just lay on my stomach?  How those restless nights I pondered 10 months of pregnancy and how you can't lay on your stomach when you're pregnant?  And then, there's breastfeeding!  I can't sleep on my stomach if my boobs are going to turn into giant, leaking rocks.

Yes.  Thank you, little infected finger shaped thingie at the base of my large intestine.  You have shown me the light.  Pregnancy and breastfeeding = infinite time with crappy rest!  Well, I suppose that describes most of parenthood, doesn't it!

I miss my old sleeping positions.  Sniff sniff.  Sleeping on my side works just OK, sleeping on my back doesn't work at all.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Tide Stain Stick Sucks

An email sent from work:

While teaching how to divide fractions, I managed to hit my boob with a blue Expo marker on my white, white new shirt.  And then I used a Tide Stain Stick to clean it up and it smells foul.  I mean REALLY, REALLY rotten.  So now I'm stuck with a light bluish, very smelly boob.  My boob smell is making me sick.

And I bet you can't even remember how to divide using fractions, so why bother teaching it?  I mean, is it really worth sacrificing your boob over?


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...