Sunday, October 24, 2010


(This entry is brought to you by "Whale Wars," a show I have been obsessively watching for the past 24 hours. Seriously, if you have never seen this, go. Now. It's gripping. It's wild. It's, like, real life pirateering! If you have Netflix you can stream season 1 and 2 online. You will NOT BE sorry, other than the fact that you will not be able to quit watching. It's pretty incredible. GO!)

I recently was shopping with a friend when I stumbled upon a  I had to sneak pictures using my cell phone because, I mean, who goes out in public like this??

These images are burned into my retinas.  I am ruined forever.  Please, people.  There are children out there!  No one wants to see that!!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Yep, I've Still Got It

Scene:  Panera Bread.  A group of girls meets together.  As the group of girls decides to leave, Non-Mommy goes to pick up half a dozen bagels for work tomorrow.  An 18 year old cashier named Antuan, wearing his cap sideways on his head, goes to take the order.

Non-Mommy:  I need a half dozen bagels, please.

Antuan:  Well, yo, it's almost closing time.  How 'bout I give 'em to you for free?

Non-Mommy:  That would be awesome!

Other Girl:  Do you normally have to throw them away at the end of the night?

Antuan:  Someone comes to pick them up.

Non-Mommy:  So, I want a Cinnamon Crunch, Chocolate Chip, Blueberry....

Antuan:  Woah, woah, woah, slow down!  Why you gotta speak so fast?  I can't keep up.  

Non-Mommy:  Sorry.

Antuan:  [wink]

Non-Mommy:  OK, I want a cinn...a...mon...crunch.....

Antuan: [packs up the bagels] So whatchoo girls doin' here, anyways?

Other Girl:  Oh we had a meeting here.  We'll be back, I think we're going to meet here everytime.

Antuan:  DAYUM.  Good thing I always works late.

Non-Mommy:  I'll be back if I get free bagels every night.

Antuan:  Have a good night.

Non-Mommy and Other Girl:  Thanks [turn to walk away]

Antuan:  I'll give you all the free bagels you want.  Maybe I'll get lucky.

Non-Mommy:  Did he just really say that?

Other Girl:  I think so.  He's yelling something else, but I don't know what.  

Non-Mommy:  [Yells back to Antuan] Don't count on it!!!!!

*I've still got it (I say as I snap my fingers, and waggle my head).  Yep.  I can pick up 18 year old cashiers at Panera.  My life rocks.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Sure, I'm paying attention during the meeting. Wink, wink.

I have been forced to go to a lot of meetings lately.  They are NOT fun.  I think my butt is seriously getting a chair shaped mark on it.  Kudos to you all that work at a desk job, I have no idea how you stand sitting all day long.

Anyway, these were some of my thoughts as I sat through meeting after meeting:

-I wonder if I could catch that fly using my mechanical pencils as chopsticks, like Mr. Miyagi? (I tried, and failed)

-I wish I had my laptop.

-How do you clean those Camelbaks?

-I wonder if Anderson Cooper would marry me on the condition that we didn't have sex? Probably not. I wouldn't want to do that anyway, just curious. Hmm.

-I wish I could run and jump into a pool like when I was a kid. I wish I could go roller skating again, that was fun. I wonder if roller blading (which I haven't done) is like ice skating (which I have)?

-I wonder what my last student teacher is doing now? She did a crap job. I discussed her performance and desire to be a teacher ad nauseum, I gave her tips, I gave her poor grades, and it just didn't seem to help.

-I wonder what would happen if I went on the all Whopper (the candy) diet?

-If my coworker doesn't stop smacking her gum, I think I might go postal.

-If I went to England, I wonder how much it would cost to go during Prince William's wedding? If I don't go to England, where else would I want to go?

-How does a baby get a Urinary Tract Infection?

-I wonder what I should get my relatives for Christmas?

-Did I throw all my Christmas light strands away last year?

-I wonder how many people have poisoned themselves by scratching up a Teflon pan? (I once had to throw mine away for something really stupid. I used a stupid wool pad on a Teflon pan. I had to throw Cancer Skillet in the trash when I realized how dumb I am.)

-I wonder where I should go to work next year? Hmm. Far? Close? FAR?

-I wonder why people insist on driving slowly in the fast lane?

-Will "The Office" ever be as good without Michael Scott? Will another show ever be as good as "LOST?"  I hated the ending, but spent many years devoted to that show.

-Why on earth would anyone pay extra for a fainting goat? Here's what they look like (I've never seen one):

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Lucky Underwear

About a year ago, I purchased some new underwear.  It was blue and cute.  I put on this underwear and went to work.  Things in my life had been supremely stressful, and for some reason in the middle of a math lesson, my body decided that BAM, it would collapse out of the stress.

A few weeks later, I fell ill with some flu-like symptoms.  I seemed to rally after about three days.  I thought I was getting better.  I put on the same underwear when BAM, I fell very VERY ill.  I went to the doctor that day and was diagnosed with the Swine Flu, plus a bonus of pneumonia and bronchitis.  I didn't have a voice for a month and had to miss 9 days of work.  It was awesome.

In January, I put on the underwear again.  My father came over to see me that day (as it turns out, that was one of the last times I would see him).  I went to bed in that underwear, only to be woken in the middle of the night with terrible nausea and pain in my abdomen.  Little did I know that in less than 12 hours I would have an appendectomy and be in the hospital.

I am not a superstitious person, in any way.  However, the common denominator was those darn underwear!  I threw those away as soon as I noticed that pattern.  However, my dad passed away a month later even though I threw those trouble making undies away.

So, perhaps I need to reevaluate the power of the undergarment.  What would be a safer choice in underwear?  Granny panties?  A girdle?  Thongs don't seem too secure.  Commando seems very risky.  Perhaps long underwear is the way to go.

*I do need to give credit where credit is due.  This has been a very, very difficult year, but God has been there for me every step of the way and I can see His hand in all of it.  Underwear doesn't really mean anything!*


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