Sunday, August 22, 2010
Tonight I was eating salad with my dinner when I remembered a rather unpleasant memory. Here's a little question for all the brilliant minds out there...
HOW does a FEATHER get into the middle of lettuce?!?!! A couple of years ago, I was making lettuce wraps for dinner. I had already chopped everything up and cooked the chicken. I went to rinse the leaves, and was pulling them apart when I found a FEATHER!!! OH GAG GAG GAG!! So I pondered the idea of eating lettuce wraps, minus the lettuce (which I did). I was so disgusted. I didn't think I should eat it. I didn't want Bird Flu or anything! And FYI, I had Swine Flu last year and it was so horrible, I can't even express how bad it was.
Ok, I think I might be slightly neurotic. Make that really neurotic. During dinner, I found myself thinking about that feather. I have come up with the following possibilities of how the feather got there:
Feather Scenario Number One
Bird: Kaw, kaw. This is a lovely lettuce field. I think I will divebomb that man bending over in the hot sun working in the fields.
Man in Fields: !@#$ birds! Go away! (Swings hat at bird, bird loses feathers)
Feather settles on plant, and lets other leaves grow over it.
Feather Scenario Number Two
Bird: Kaw, kaw. I need to find a place to nest. Hmm. What would be a good place to build a famiy? I know, how about those shady green things on the ground?
Future Eggs: Yes, that would be a great place.
Bird: Mama is here for you, babies.
Baby Bird Number One: (Cracking out of Egg) What a bright, green world! I sure wish I could fly.
Baby Bird Number Two: (Cracking out of Other Egg) You can fly! Try flapping your wings like this!
Baby Bird Number One: I'm not going anywhere, and there are weird things falling off of my wings.
Feather settles on plant, and lets other leaves grow on it.
Feather Scenario Number Three
Bird: Kaw, kaw. I just need a minute to rest. That field looks lovely. I'll stay far away from those very hard working men over there.
Fox: Mmmmmm. A bird just landed.
Bird: Kaw, kaw, kaw. What a cool, refreshing place to rest.
Fox: Oh little bird, what's that? (Pointing up)
Bird: (Looks up) I don't see anything, Mr. Fox, what do you see?
Fox lunges at the bird, the bird flies away, and feathers are left behind. A feather settles on a plant, and let's other leaves grow on it.
Feather Scenario Number Four
Bird: Kaw *cough* Kaw *cough* Kaw *cough cough* I don't feel so well.
Other bird: Maybe you have the flu
Bird: Nah. *cough cough* I just need a minute to rest.
Other bird: Where are you going to rest?
Bird: *cough* Those green, leafy plants look soft. Maybe *cough* I'll just lay there and cough out all my germs.
Other bird: Good idea. No one will know you're sick if you just rest there a minute.
Bird: *cough* Oops. I wish I had a tissue. I just left mucus on that leaf. Oh well. Only birds eat this, right?
Other bird: You dropped a feather.
Bird: *cough* Oh well. No one will catch my flu from one feather, right?
Other bird: You look like you're dying.
(Yes, I know that I am neurotic. That's all part of my charm, right? Right?)