Monday, September 5, 2011

Abiite Nemine Salutato

Life is good.  I'm not enjoying the new age group that I work with as much as my preteens, but they are cute and nice (just understand that my entire world at this time is kids picking their scabs and tattling on each other for things like So and So having a Starburst in their pocket).  I LOVE the people I am working with, the entire feel of the building I am working in is so totally the opposite of the Nazi regime that I was working with.  I am very, very blessed.

So, don't take this next part as a sign that I'm all down and out.  I'm not.  But I have to spill some stuff, and you are all the ones that I dump on.  Poor YOU!

Something very sad has happened.  A dear child that I know passed away.   Her name was Krystle. Krystle was a junior in high school last year.  She worked in my classroom every day.  She was a very positive, bright girl.   She would help me with small tasks, work with the kids, and just visit with me. Sometimes she annoyed me a bit because she wanted to talk more than anything, but you know, she's a typical high schooler.  She came to work in my room because her track coach, who I am friends with, connected us.

Now, sorry men, but like a typical man, the coach neglected to tell me some things.  Krystle had to be gone for a little while, but she had done some traveling, so I didn't think about it.  She never mentioned anything else.  Coach Dumbasaboxofrocks didn't say anything.

One day, she came to my room and she looked very pale.  I even mentioned this to my friend the dumb coach.  Did he mention anything critical that I should know at that time?  Noooooo.

At the end of the school year, she came to see me just to visit.  She really hugged me and I remember thinking that she was looking at me oddly, but I just assumed it was because she knew that I was moving away and would miss her senior year.

About a month ago, I got a mass email with her name as the subject line.  I opened it, and it started "As you know, Krystle _________ has been battling cancer and is struggling."  I could have fallen over.  I had NO idea.

I immediately called Coach Dumbasaboxofrocks and was like "Um, HELLO?!??!?! She has cancer?????"  He was like "Oh, I thought you knew."  I was like "COACH!! Are you kidding me??"  So he told me that Krystle had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer at age 15.  At the end of April/early May she began having abdominal pain.  The ovarian cancer was back, but it was also everywhere.  She'd been going through treatment when she was gone from school.

A few nights ago, Coach called me back.  Krystle passed away this past week.  I'm so relieved that her suffering is over, but I was upset all night long.  It will never be easy to accept the death of any human, especially one so young.  But irrationally, I was so upset because I had no idea she was sick.  I don't know how I didn't know, but I didn't.  I'm so upset that she was going through this without any support from me.  And my head KNOWS that she would have told me if she had wanted me to know.  My head KNOWS that she probably could tell that I didn't know and was relieved to come to my room each day and not be treated differently.  But my heart is so heavy that she came to me at the end of May, knowing she was going to die, and I didn't even acknowledge what she was going through.  I'm sick about it.

It was my honor to be a part of her last year of life, and that she knew I loved her and enjoyed being around her not just because of her cancer.  There was no pity.  It also speaks very highly of her that she didn't tell me, and still worked hard to live life as normally, and fully as possible.

I've been on the verge of tears all weekend. This is also bringing up some major emotion tied to my father's death.  I miss him terribly.  We had to watch a movie about the importance of father's in the home and school, and I was on the verge of losing it.

I can't believe I never knew she was dying.  My heart is very, very heavy.

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