I am in the Chicago airport waiting for a flight to go see my crazy drunk grandma. It is like visiting a foreign country, a country in which you spend a great deal of time discussing the size of my grandmother's mouth and her "Gooms," which is how she pronounces "gums." A world in which it is apparently normal for the short bossy lady to bust in on you while you shower. A world in which her widow friends get into fights and vow to not cut one another's meat as a punishment.
If I make it out alive, it will be a miracle.
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