Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Laptops for Dummies
I've been to more training meetings, and meetings in general, than I have gone on blind dates in my entire life, and that's saying a lot! Most of the time, I find these meetings to be a huge waste of time. Take, for example, a meeting I had to go to to learn how to use a new laptop (which, at the time, I wasn't able to use online or even print - useful!). I may not be a technology genius, but I know my way around a computer, thank you very much! I wasn't thrilled to go to this meeting, especially when it went like this:
Me: [leaning over to the person next to me] I hope this thing doesn't last very long. How hard can it be to use a laptop?!
Other Participant (OP): What is that big button with the light, that has a circle with a slash on it?
Me: Uh...that'd be the power button.
OP: Oh, is that how you turn it on?
OP: So what do these little pictures all over the screen mean? Like that one with the big "W?"
Me: Uhhh, those would be shortcuts. They open up programs. For example, the "W" is for Word.
OP: Oh, wow. You sure know a lot. So do you know how to change the picture on the background?
Me: Yes. First, you...hello? Are you listening to me?
OP: What? Oh, sorry, what were you saying?
Me: [muttering] I'm going to smash my head in between this keyboard and the screen.
Leader: Now, I will show you how to save to your hard drive.
OP: What did he just say? Did he say to save something? What? I think I missed something, what?
Me: Could you pipe down? You are ruining my game of Solitaire! I'm about to break even on Vegas style!
OP: Oooooh, you can play games? Can you show me?
Leader: And, we can't use the wireless internet. There is confusion out there, some people think it is working.
Me: Oh, really? How come I'm watching a hilarious spoof of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" if it isn't working?
OP: What is that little thing you have plugged in?
Me: That'd be the power cord.
OP: I don't have one of those. Excuse me, leader, I don't have one of those cords that Non-Mommy has!
Me: [speaking through gritted teeth] Yes...you...do!!!
These types of meetings just go on...and on...and on. I feel like the most confident person in the world.