Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Laptops for Dummies

I've been to more training meetings, and meetings in general, than I have gone on blind dates in my entire life, and that's saying a lot!  Most of the time, I find these meetings to be a huge waste of time.  Take, for example, a meeting I had to go to to learn how to use a new laptop (which, at the time, I wasn't able to use online or even print - useful!).  I may not be a technology genius, but I know my way around a computer, thank you very much!  I wasn't thrilled to go to this meeting, especially when it went like this:

Me:  [leaning over to the person next to me]  I hope this thing doesn't last very long.  How hard can it be to use a laptop?!

Other Participant (OP):  What is that big button with the light, that has a circle with a slash on it?

Me:  Uh...that'd be the power button.

OP:  Oh, is that how you turn it on?

Me:  [sighs]

OP:  So what do these little pictures all over the screen mean?  Like that one with the big "W?"

Me:  Uhhh, those would be shortcuts.  They open up programs.  For example, the "W" is for Word.

OP:  Oh, wow.  You sure know a lot.  So do you know how to change the picture on the background?

Me:  Yes.  First, you...hello?  Are you listening to me?

OP:  What?  Oh, sorry, what were you saying?

Me:  [muttering]  I'm going to smash my head in between this keyboard and the screen.

Leader:  Now, I will show you how to save to your hard drive.

OP:  What did he just say?  Did he say to save something?  What?  I think I missed something, what?

Me:  Could you pipe down?  You are ruining my game of Solitaire!  I'm about to break even on Vegas style!

OP:  Oooooh, you can play games?  Can you show me?

Leader:  And, we can't use the wireless internet.  There is confusion out there, some people think it is working.

Me:  Oh, really?  How come I'm watching a hilarious spoof of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" if it isn't working?

OP:  What is that little thing you have plugged in?

Me:  That'd be the power cord.

OP:  I don't have one of those.  Excuse me, leader, I don't have one of those cords that Non-Mommy has!

Me:  [speaking through gritted teeth]!!!

These types of meetings just go on...and on...and on.  I feel like the most confident person in the world. 

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