Monday, May 16, 2011

True Confessions

1. I walk my dog with a baggie in my hand so that it LOOKS like I will pick up her excrement, but I can't really do it. I just carry the bags for appearances.

2. Every morning for breakfast I eat an egg omelet with spinach, mushrooms and feta and a mini whole wheat bagel with hummus. It almost makes it worth getting up at the butt crack of dawn.

3. I recently purchased socks with different patterns on the bottoms specifically so that I could make sure that I wasn't accidentally wearing one sock more than all of the others.

4. I throw away all the dumb cartoons and advertisements that people post in the restroom. Look, I'm not interested in customizing a bag for every day of the week, a beach bag, a library bag, an overnight bag, a work bag, etc. I also don't need any Mary Kay. And, those cartoons are not funny.

5. Tonight while walking my dog, I heard a weird mechanical noise and immediately my mind went to the Smoke Monster from LOST.

6. I have never colored my hair. This is virgin hair. It has taken a vow of chastity for all time and eternity.

7. I have become part of a church that is a new denomination to me, and I love it. Love it.

8. I play the piano 200 times worse if I think anyone, even my mother or neighbors, can hear me play.

9. I love trashy shows like "Little Britain," "Absolutely Fabulous" and basically any show on Bravo TV.

10. I am more content and relaxed than I have been in a long, long time right now. It feels good.

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