Sunday, November 13, 2011
I've Got a Fever
I've got a fever, and the prescription is NOT more cowbell. I've got baby fever. BIG TIME. But there are a few problems. See, I don't even have a date. Let alone a significant other. And apparently, these pesky kids need a father - who knew?!? So, no children on the horizon at this time.
This doesn't mean that my eggs are not getting more brittle by the second. This doesn't mean that I'm not sick of being single. This doesn't mean that I don't want a family in a bad, bad way. I have pondered this many times. I have thought about being a single mother. The problem is, how to go about it?
Kidnapping one of those Duggars. Would they really miss one? I mean, really? But what if they grew up like Jim Boob? I'm not sure my heart could take it. Plus, if I try to kidnap someone I'm kind of a wuss and don't think I'd do well in jail.
Going to one of those anonymous donation places, if you get my drift. This is quite a gamble. How do you select a father for a child based on a form? The choices, it's too much! A tall child would be nice, they could clean the top of the fridge for me. But an average sized child would be nice because they don't feel like they stand out. A short child could be considered cute, and I would like a cute child. And then, I'm very pale (read: pigmentally challenged) so do I want to pick a donor that will give my child a chance at some skin pigmentation? Do I look for a fellow half-albino so that my child looks like me? And then there's the whole gross out issue of a donation from a stranger. I don't want to put anyone else's snot anywhere near my body, so other bodily fluids...
Adoption. Adoption is actually very near and dear to my heart. I'd adopt a house full of children in a heart beat. But is anyone going to want to send a child to a single mother with no money? And, I'm a bit like that book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. If you give me one kid, I'll end up with a house full and I'll end up having to have my mother as a permanent caretaker for my child zoo. I'd also be a total hypocrite because I've been steaming mad about the Duggars going for a 20th kid.
Praying for a miracle. It could be an interesting life having people arise up and calling me blessed. But that's a whole lot of pressure, and I don't like to stand with my head cocked and my hands outspread.
So, I'm up a creek without a paddle. In the meantime, I'm drooling other over people's children and wishing that someone in my family would have a baby that I could cuddle and spoil. My nephew is getting too big to cuddle, and my cuddle bank is running low.
Seriously, I'm sick of being single. Really. Ideas?