Saturday, January 14, 2012

Cold lips freeze ships

I recently purchased some Buxom lip gloss at a Sephora store.  Apparently, it's supposed to plump your lips and make them, well, buxom.  When the girl told me about it, I asked her if I could put it on my boobs and she didn't even laugh.  Come on!

Anyway, one of the perks of this lip gloss is that it tingles and cools your lips.  It feels kind of cool and is  a reminder that my lips are getting more buxom by the second.  I'm pleased with it.

But the Buxom makers forgot one teeny, tiny detail.  The cool, tingly effect is fine and dandy in a normal temperature range.  I found out, the hard way, that the cold air enhances the cooling effect.  As I walked across the dark parking lot in twenty degree weather, I began to fear that my lips were being frozen off of my face.  My lips felt like I had ice cubes glued to them.  By the time I got to the door, my lips were looking like those of Charo...

or Lisa Rinna...

Or even, God forbid, Taylor Armstrong.

I feared that my frozen lips would impede my ability to teach.  Or that I'd trip over my now plump lips because they are frozen and numb and I can't see that I'm about to step on them.

This is not good.  I'd like to catch a man, not repel one with my lips of frozen cod.  So, Buxom, I will no longer be able to wear you in the winter.  Sorry.

But I really do like your product!  Perhaps a winter version could warm cold lips instead?

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