Saturday, January 28, 2012

RIP, Non-Mommy

Through an odd set of coincidental circumstances, I ate spicy tuna roll for dinner last night, a tuna sandwich for lunch today, and a tuna steak for dinner tonight.  It didn't occur to me until I was finished with dinner that I had eaten tuna for every meal for the last 24 hours.

I now feel itchy, my skin is red, and I'm swollen.  OK, one could argue that I'm always swollen, but whatever.  I couldn't take a nap today (insomnia) and I've felt excessively shy today.  Clearly I am suffering from mercury poisoning.  It's ironic that I worry constantly about being healthy and living longer than my father, only to OD on tuna of all things.  Tuna.

I leave this world with many regrets.  I never did learn how to tie a true knot; I can only tie your basic shoe.  I'm afraid of curling irons and have to close my eyes while getting my hair done.  I also have never been to Walt Disney World.

If I make it through this, I vow to change things.  Learn to tie.  Learn to be confident.  Go to Disney World.

Feeling Fishy,


  1. At least you will definitely be crossing one of those things off the list! You aren't really red and itchy, are you?

  2. Why is it that when I was a kid we played with mercury in science class and now if I eat more than 6 oz of tuna a week I'm going to die a painfull death? The science can't have changed that much ... oh yeah ... there were 40 years between those events. Oh well - pass the dolphin and whale steaks ...



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