Sunday, April 10, 2011
Surviving Standardized Testing
The big, scary standardized tests are upon us. Let's just be honest. We spend the entire school year preparing for the tests. As the testing days approach, we spend a great deal of time reminding the children that they should get lots of rest, eat a good breakfast, have their materials ready, etc.
But who thinks about the teachers? You know, the ones that will this week be trapped in a classroom that is already not large enough to hold 31 students, even with the desks grouped together. The teacher that has to give tests all day long to children during fantastically beautiful weather. The teacher that literally won't be able to squeeze through the rooms because of the desks all pulled apart. The teacher who knows that a visit is imminent from THE TEST POLICE, meaning that from 8:30 to 2:55, the teacher will not be permitted to sit, or use the computer. The teacher who knows that if her students bomb the test, it reflects poorly on her, can affect her salary, and will undoubtedly require more work.
For these brave souls, I present
THE TEACHER'S CHECKLIST FOR STANDARDIZED TESTING
Comfortable clothes (Check!)
Comfortable shoes that make no noise when you walk (Check!)
Small pieces of chocolate that require no packaging to be opened (Still need)
Three bottles of red wine (Check!)
Large bottle of Exedrin Migraine (Check!)
Massage appointment scheduled (Still need)
Have key phrases memorized, such as "I can't help you, just do your best. I can't give you the answer, just do your best. If you're stuck, come back to it, and do your best. I know, honey, just do your best." (Check!)
Cattle prod for students who just aren't working (Still need)
Deep breathing exercises (Still need)
A miracle (Still need)