Tuesday, June 15, 2010

A trip down memory lane

I promised that I would write about another thing that happened the same year I went to the museum with the old fogies, so here is the event, written as a play.

The events in this play are real. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Mary and Monica's Excellent Adventure

Setting - I15 Freeway, somewhere between Los Angeles and San Diego

Characters - Mary (me), Monica (My best friend and mother of two), Jose (2 1/2 year old boy), Ilse (1 1/2 year old girl), Home Owner.

Scene I - I15 North

Monica: I'm so excited to show you this house!

Mary: I can't wait to see it! It sounds amazing.

Jose: [singing]Baby Beluga in the deep blue sea...

Ilse: Ga ba ba la ba

Monica: Oh look, someone got pulled over.

Mary: Yeah look, like 4 motorcycles at the same time.

Monica: Have you noticed that that is like the 6th cop car we've seen so far?

Mary: Yes, and Border Patrol seems busy today, too.

Jose: I want a snack!

Scene II - The Amazing House

Home Owner: Blah blah blah wainscoting blah blah blah blah paint color [Sidenote: I'm only writing "blah" to demonstrate that a conversation took place about the new house, it was NOT boring in any way, and it's a gorgeous house!]

Mary: It's very nice!

Monica: I've got to get Mary back to pick up her car. She has to be back in San Diego soon. Gotta go!

[Jose runs around the yard like a crazed toddler while Ilse eats rocks]

Scene III - I15 South

Mary: Will we make it back on time? We left a little late.

Monica: Oh yeah, we should get there quickly.

(3 minutes later...traffic comes to a screeching halt)

Monica: This is weird. The traffic shouldn't be stopped at this time of the day. I wonder if an accident happened?

(7 cop cars go peeling by on either shoulder of the freeway, and three cop motorcycles drive through the traffic)

Mary: Wow. It must have been a big accident.

(15 minutes later, still sitting on the freeway)

Mary: Look! They are arresting more men on motorcycles! They are in handcuffs. I wonder what is going on?

Monica: We have barely moved on this freeway. I think you may need to call Grace and tell her you'll be late.

(30 minutes later, going 1 mile an hour on the freeway)

Monica: Oh my gosh! They are arresting another group of motorcyclists! They must be looking for something.

Mary: Look how many men they have handcuffed! I've NEVER seen so many police in one place before. Over there they are wearing "Gang Task Force" vests. This must be gang related. Oh my gosh! Here come even more police!!

Jose: Mama, I'm hungry!

Ilse: Ba la la ba ga!

Mary: I'm getting a sunburn from sitting in the sun. This is ridiculous.

Monica: Here, put Ilse's outfit on your arm. I know it's dorky, but at least it'll cover the skin.

[Mary looks skeptical, but desperate times call for desperate measures. They were not going anywhere.]

(55 minutes after crawling or sitting on the freeway)

Mary: I cannot believe how many motorcyclists they are stopping. This is crazy. Hey, I'm kind of tired of this kids CD. Can we listen to something else?

[The entire car sings along with Madonna]

(1 hour and 5 minutes into the sitting break)

Monica: Traffic is starting to lighten up now. We're finally getting out of here. You were already supposed to be back. I'm really sorry.

Mary: It's not your fault. You didn't arrange for a billion cops to arrest all these motorcyclists to be arrested.

Monica: Here are more cops. Look, this time, it's a truck. They are arresting people out of it.

Mary: They are totally looking for drugs. Look at the way that they have every part of that truck open and apart.

Monica: You are right.

(1 hour and 15 minutes in the crawling traffic)

Monica: LOOK! There is a line of men with their hands tied with those plastic things sitting on the side of the freeway.

Mary: They are loading their bikes onto a trailer. There are at least 13 motorcycles there.

Jose: Motorcycle! Motorcycle! Motorcycle!

Ilse: hahaha

(1 hour and 23 minutes into the crawling traffic)

Mary: OOOH! Here are a TON of cops! And I'm right next to them, so maybe I'll see something good. Oh my GOSH!

Monica: I can't even COUNT how many cop motorcycles are there!

Mary: I'm going to get my camera. When we get to the action, I'll take a picture.

[Mary bends down to get her camera, when Monica suddenly screams]

Monica: OH MY GOD!!!!!! Mary!!

Mary: [jerks up and gasps] HOLY !@$%

Monica: It's a standoff!!!


Monica: AHHHHHHHH!!!


Jose and Ilse: [Laughing because they don't know what is going on]AHHH!

Monica: We are only one lane away from them.

Mary: Just go! Go forward!

(Traffic opens up, and Mary and Monica speed away, shaking and panting. Mary calms the kids down while Monica drives)

Monica: Holy !@#$%ing !@#$

Mary: My hands are still shaking.

Monica: We were so close to them.

Mary: Well, at least it's a good story to tell. If only I had gotten a picture!

The End

Sidenote: The Gang Task Force was arresting the Mongols motorcycle gang who were having a convention in this area.


  1. How is it I haven't heard this story before???

  2. Uh...you have.

    I'll just remind myself that you were in a post childbearing haze and not take it personally.

  3. Waffle! Vacuum! Airplane! That was a close shave!

    The last time Daddy and I went to Eureka Springs there was a H$$#'s Angels national convention. It was just about the same scenario, EXCEPT the hotel they were holding the meetings in had a HUGE banner that read "LOVE, RESPECT, HONOR AND STRENGTH" and honestly, it made me a little uncomfortable . . .

  4. Hey, I never said "Blah, Blah, blah...."

  5. Oh, and great photo of your future hubby!

  6. This is the kind of story I want to read! Life and Death Adventures of the Non-Mommy!!



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